Ryan O'Connell

Like many other straight men before me, I want to attempt anal sex with my girlfriend. But how do I go about this delicate subject? Do you think she’ll be into it? Also, will she, like, shit on my dick?

Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.

I’ve been with this girl for the last few months and she’s pretty awesome. She doesn’t take any shit, she makes me laugh and she has an amazing body. Our sex life is pretty phenomenal too except for one major detail. She NEVER gives me head. One night, she grazed the tip with her tongue, but then quickly got out of there. What’s the issue?

You like the party friend, but you actually don’t know a lot about them. Sometimes you wonder if they do normal things during the day like go grocery shopping or run to the post office. You also wonder if they’re actually happy and if so, how they could live this lifestyle you only experience once or twice a month.

Go to a coffee shop at 3:00 in the afternoon to apply for jobs and find it packed. Wonder how people actually make a living here. Everyone always talks about a new exciting project in the works and drives a BMW, but they’re still hanging out at Coffee Bean in the middle of the afternoon with nothing to do. Something isn’t quite right here.

Today Erin’s life is very ho-hum. Her husband Jim goes to work at a place called Christian World while she lounges in her bra and booty shorts, smokes meth and hangs out with her friends. When she tires of that, Erin invites her boyfriend over-the one who truly understands her-and the two have wild passionate sex on top of a phonebook or a seesaw.

When celebrities use Twitter, it can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, they’re able to create a faux personal relationship with their fans and enhance their brand and marketability. On the other, they could be complete idiots who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a computer to tweet their thoughts.

Go home for the holidays and run into old friends from high school. When you tell them that you live in New York, watch their eyes widen. They’ll say, “Oh my god, New York? That’s so crazy. I’m so jealous!” Have a blasé attitude about it but deep down inside, know they have good reason to be jealous.