Rachel Hodin

I set my molesters house on fire.

Exercise restraint

30. Snoop Dogg went to school with Cameron Diaz and sold her marijuana at the time.

I traded a shoe for a bowling pin and the secret knowledge of how to get into the goblin kingdom.

People have offered me 6 figures to have sex with them. And I just politely tell them no, and I thank them for the offer

Was that you, Sam Goudie, who visited me in my nightmare last night? Cloaked in a black veil, you called yourself death. When I asked to see your face you de-robed yourself, projectile vomited on me, and screamed “YOLO Bitchez”.

You have to feel bad for this person, as much as their tweet or status update makes you want to thrust a rusty nail into your cornea.

One time I farted on an ex-boyfriend’s head, and it was awesome.