I walked up a set of stairs and into the doctor’s office that looked more suited to treat broken surfboard leashes than patients. Everything about the décor drew inspiration from the Pacific.
The Party Girl still hits the old haunts, but now it’s mostly to reminisce with her bartender friends about old crazy antics instead of to create new mayhem. She used to sleep with the band guy back in the day, and now when she runs into him on the street she is stunned by how old and tired he looks; all gin blossoms and jowl.
You know what’s the # 1 thing closeted guys like to say after hooking up with gay dudes? “I’m straight!” That or they cry. I had one straight guy who literally began to sob after he orgasmed with me.
Why on earth does one person own four different toothbrushes, all of which need to be replaced? Why are there quarters and dimes and nickels and pennies on the floor, in the cupboards and behind the toilet? Why doesn’t that half-eaten melted sticky tub of ice cream sitting on the kitchen counter bother him as much as it bothers you?
A relatively small sampling of the many different types of girls who like girls you can expect to encounter in gay bars nationwide. If you don’t come across any of these, you are clearly not at a gay bar.
Get into a drunken fight with them at a nightclub and scream “You know what you did!” just like Lauren and Heidi did on The Hills. Your lover won’t actually have done anything wrong but they’ll be so confused and also drunk that they’ll apologize and maybe cry and you’ll have amazing sex and your ~~~love flame~~~will be kept burning.
The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did.
She’s got long blond hair and curves and when she walks into a room, men act like a literal bomb’s gone off. One time, our mom scolded me by asking, “You know how Tina Fey is beautiful when she’s Tina Fey and not as beautiful when she’s Liz Lemon? Why do you insist on Liz Lemon-ing yourself?” Direct quote.