This is my last Monday night in my murky, beloved English basement apartment in Mt. Pleasant in DC— blue carpet, ill-considered Sun-Drenched Denim walls. Not that there is any magic about Monday.
You either are the kind of person who has cleaned the blood and tissue of someone you think has died off of your doorstep, or you aren’t.
No cell phone conversations lasting longer than 30 seconds anywhere that people are forced to listen — on the bus, on the train, on the plane, in the checkout lane. It’s a pain. Refrain.
The first guy I ever slept with was…not the right person and is best forgotten. Let’s.
Why are they suddenly challenging every word that comes out of your mouth and condescending to you? Why is their laughter so grating? Why would they go get Diet Coke for themselves and not offer to get you one when they KNOW you are wearing pinchy shoes and thus restricting walking activity?
I admit to myself that I am powerless over pyramids of overpriced, pretentious produce, and also that I am a cook only in my head, not in real life, which is where all of the food I buy rots away. I swear off Whole Foods forever.
Start your sentence with “Look.” Make sure I can really hear the period at the end. It makes the muscles in my neck clench, so I can hold my head up and make meaningful eye contact with you, and eye contact creates trust and intimacy.
The geographic cure is so tempting. Who would I be in Brooklyn, in New Orleans, in Galway or Madison or back behind the bar? Freelancing? Would I be thinner, more self-confident, better pedigreed, the kind of person who spent 20 minutes on her hair every morning?
So you are ready to buy a used car. Congratulations! This is a very adult thing to do. Consider what kind of mileage you need, and what size makes sense for your lifestyle.
Where you come from shapes where you end up, one way or another. Better living through chemistry is not only possible, but transformational. Living the unexamined life sounds kind of restful sometimes, but who are we kidding.