Nico Lang

I know the internet (including myself) is all up on Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ryan Gosling for being ridiculously, ridiculously good looking, but let’s pay respect to the reigning king of  hot people: Marlon Brando.

Fact: If you watch Citizen Kane with your boyfriend and he doesn’t like it, you may want to consider getting a new boyfriend.

3. What 9/11 is.

31. Thin crust pizza is for quitters.

Q: “Siri, will you tell me a joke?” A: “The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.”

Miley Cyrus currently racks up over 1 billion Google hits, making her more searched than Lady Gaga, Barack Obama, Katy Perry or God.

18. You’ve replaced human contact with Adderall.

Having a Cleveland Indians logo is like having a “New York Jews” or “San Francisco Chinamen,” mascots that would be blatantly offensive. I shudder to think what the equivalencies for gays or black people would be.

No matter what time of day it is, autocorrect makes you perpetually sound like a drunken idiot — and possibly a sex criminal.

27. Love your body, because it’s yours.

When asked on what year 9/11 took place, 30% of Americans were unable to answer the question correctly, even as few as five years after the attack.

2. YOU CAN WRITE ON THE MOON IN BLOOD.

It’s not an insult that you don’t want to meet every guy you connect with, and trust me: for most of them, that’s going to be a huge relief.

In terms of vocab, the 20s got all of us beat.

In pre-production, ‘American Pie’ was called ‘Teenage Sex Comedy That Can Be Made For Under $10 Million That Your Reader Will Love But The Executive Will Hate.’

22. Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling.

In every group of friends, there’s the “Karen” of the group, aka. the friend no one likes. If you can’t figure out who the Karen is in your friend circle, that means you are the Karen.

1. From the Sports section: “Rangers Get Whiff of Colon.”