You're Not Crazy, He's Gaslighting You, And Here Are 50 Ways To Be 100% Sure

You’re Not Crazy, He’s Gaslighting You, And Here Are 50 Ways To Be 100% Sure

1. He calls you crazy.

2. You find that he lies to you constantly. Lying blatantly to your face is easy and almost natural to him.

3. He doesn’t back down from his version of the truth or change his story when you call him out on it. You can present irrefutable evidence of his lies and he will still insist that you’re wrong. He will still deny.

4. He’s extremely convincing, even when your gut is telling you he’s lying.

5. He takes advantage in a situation in which he is lying to you, to make you feel like you are crazy or irrational.

6. You have a lot of nonsensical conversations. They make such complicated arguments and twist the truth so much that you become confused.

7. He discredits you to others. He brands you with the label of the crazy girlfriend or controlling partner. He makes it appear that he’s the victim of your behavior or mental state.

8. He discredits others to you. If someone relays information that is inconvenient for him to you or paints him in a different light, he will try to discredit those people to you or claim that they “don’t like him” or “are out to get him.”

9. He deflects.

10. He often forgets or denies and displays selective memory. He claims to forget events that have occurred, especially if they don’t favor him. He denies having made promises of significance to you. He will say things like “that never happened” or “I never said that.”

11. He questions your memory and accuses you of making things up.

12. He reframes conversations, memories, or stories to be retold in his favor.

13. You doubt your version of the truth and second guess your memory.

14. He “trivializes” by minimizing your thoughts and feelings. He often accuses you of overreacting and being too sensitive. You are often told by him to “calm down.” He makes you believe that YOU are the problem, effectively communicating that you are wrong.

15. He doesn’t acknowledge your feelings, thoughts, or beliefs. In fact, he makes you feel as if they are trivial, insignificant, foolish, or even wrong.

16. He dismisses your thoughts and feelings as absurd. They become a weapon. He uses them against you and uses them as “proof” of your character flaws, one of which he claims is irrationality.

17. You’ve found yourself questioning your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs yourself.

18. You’ve found yourself doubting your sense of reality and perceptions.

19. You don’t feel validated, understood, or seen with him.

20. His mistakes often become your own. The blame is constantly shifted to you. He manipulates the situation in such a way that he ends up making you believe that his transgressions are a result of something you did wrong or your shortcomings. He claims that if you would try harder, behave differently, or hadn’t acted in such a way, he wouldn’t have done what he did to hurt you.

21. He denies any wrongdoing and doesn’t acknowledge your pain.

22. You apologize when he’s the one that should be apologizing.

23. You become convinced everything is your fault.

24. You are constantly apologizing for what you do and who you are.

25. You often feel like you’ve done something wrong or have “screwed up” somehow.

26. You repeat words of things he’s called you to yourself, like: crazy, irrational, overly demanding, nagging, inadequate, wrong, stupid.

27. You never feel good enough.

28. You’ve stopped confronting him in certain situations because you’ve started to ask yourself if you are really too sensitive, overly emotional, overly demanding, etc.

29. You’ve stopped confronting him in certain situations because you’ve started to invalidate your own emotions.

30. He has tried to mold you and change you into his ideal. This may include things like making remarks about your weight, clothes, habits, diet, friends, and even trying to make you doubt your views.

31. He becomes angry when your views don’t align with his.

32. He becomes angry when you challenge his views or try to have an open-minded conversation.

33. You’ve become silent. You don’t speak up in order not to spark an argument. You know that expressing your feelings or sharing your thoughts or opinions will only wind up making you feel worse. You stay silent to avoid reality twists. You don’t speak up to avoid any kind of verbal abuse.

34. You lie to avoid his reaction, verbal abuse, put downs, or simply not to argue.

35. You make excuses for his behavior.

36. You lie or withhold things from friends and family in order to “protect” him, and in fear that they wouldn’t see him in a good light.

37. He uses your fears, vulnerabilities, and insecurities against you.

38. He may use your mental health if you suffer from things like depression and anxiety as a weapon, or to further amplify his argument that you’re “not thinking right.”

39. He “diagnoses” you and tells you that you need help, medication, or tries to claim to know why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling or thinking the way you’re thinking.

40. He claims to know what you are thinking and accuses you of lying when you don’t admit to it.

41. He accuses you of having ridiculous ulterior motives.

42. You lost all your self-confidence and self-esteem.

43. You don’t recognize who you are anymore, especially around him, and you’re starting to feel disappointed in who you’ve become.

44. You find it hard to make even small decisions. You act indecisively.

45. His behavior and attitude confuses you. He’s extremely mercurial.

46. He doesn’t apologize unless he’s using it as a method to reel you back in.

47. He uses affection as a weapon and often only displays it when you’re pulling away or he wants something from you. He uses compassionate words only in the same situations and says exactly what you want to hear.

48. His words don’t reflect his actions.

49. You are often trying to shut thoughts down that something is “off” about him.

50. You don’t know what’s normal anymore, but you are beginning to feel like there has to be something better than this. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Read more about gaslighting here.

Houston-based writer and artist.

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