This Is What It Means To Be Truly Vulnerable In Your Relationship
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This Is What It Means To Be Truly Vulnerable In Your Relationship

There are so many ways to be vulnerable, but lately I’ve been learning and practicing what it means to be vulnerable when it comes to intimate and romantic relationships.

I’ve always been so closed off from love because I’ve been so terrified of getting hurt after being hurt time and time again. And don’t get me wrong, I’m still scared. For so long I’d rather focus on myself and my future than get distracted by giving the wrong person a chance. This is what I’m trying to overcome.

But sometimes you have to take a risk and be open to the possibility of failure. Sometimes you have to accept handing off your control to someone else by granting them the power to hold your emotions, your heart, and your world in the palm of their hands to do what they will — to care for them or to throw them aside.

Your heart is never handed back to you the same way it was given. It bleeds and pumps a little differently. It is colored by everything you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to experience had you kept it to yourself all along.

Getting hurt absolutely sucks, yes, but what’s the alternative? Stay isolated and alone forever? Never be with anyone ever again and have your cold heart completely ice over? Or settle and find someone who isn’t entirely right for you who may not hurt you because you don’t care as much as you normally would? For what? For the sake of comfort?

At the end of the day, I’d rather love and “lose,” because to never hurt or love at all is not a win to me. Winning is enduring heartbreak and coming out the other side with battle wounds and scar tissue built up around the broken parts of your heart that are bound to heal and mend and try again. That is winning in my book.

As hard as it may be to practice, vulnerability is necessary. Because sometimes you have to let down your guard and say, “okay, I’ll give this a chance. I’ll let someone change my life for the better or shatter my expectations in order to teach me what I need to know right now in this point in my life.” When you’re 100% authentically you and you gave something your all, no one can argue or deny that. And that’s where we learn the most valuable lessons which we can then apply to every other aspect of our lives.

I was never this way until recently when someone I love pointed out that I was afraid to love. That message shook me to my core and forced me to dive deep into my mind and my heart and my past to uncover the very reasons WHY I had been so shut off from love — the very thing that I so desperately craved. If I want intimacy and romance so badly, then why am I so guarded from it?

Fear.

The only thing holding us back from getting us what we want is the fear of actually having it — because what will it be like? What do you do once you get it? What do we have to do to keep it? Then what? When does the pain come? When do you get hurt?

I can’t think like this. And you can’t either. It’s not healthy, and it’s not okay, and it’s not conducive to a happy, healthy life full of real love.

It’s time for us to be open. Be vulnerable. Be raw. Say how we feel without fear of judgment and without worrying about the response. Ask for what you want. Because when we’re true to ourselves by speaking our truth, we’ve done all we could do — and that’s enough peace of mind to accept when the outcome doesn’t go as planned.

Vulnerability is scary, but it is worth it. All it takes is one bold statement or one daring move to transform a relationship or learn the lesson that can propel you toward the relationship you’ve been wanting for so long.

I dare you to be vulnerable today in one way or another. Express your love. Give honest feedback. Communicating your deepest needs and desires. Open up your heart and do what feels right without attachment to the outcome.

To be vulnerable is a gift held by those who have the bravery and capacity to love with their whole heart. I wish you the strength, courage, and heart required to practice vulnerability. It is not easy, but it is worth it. I promise. Go find out for yourself. TC mark

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Freelance writer at Thought Catalog, Betches, and BuzzFeed. Follow Morgan on Instagram or read more articles from Morgan on Thought Catalog.