One of my favorite spoken word artists once said that moving on from a breakup is like a sailing ship—slowly moving, but is headed to somewhere real. The sea is our memories, we can’t just jump off the ship or we’ll get drowned by it. True enough, moving on is not a one day process. Regardless of the severity of the emotional injuries it brought, breakups hurt and can be life-changing. But we have to go through them. And the feeling of going through it will be worth it once you can finally and honestly say that you’ve survived, that you’re completely over your ex. But are you, really?
It’s easy to say, “I’m over him!” You could say that over and over again and we won’t be able to read your heart and mind. But how do you really know when you are truly over someone?
1. You stopped keeping track of the time since you broke up.
When my ex and I broke up, I wanted to have a count of how many days it would take for me to get over him. But little did I know that the more I tracked the days, the harder it was for me to move on. So I stopped doing it and eventually, I was able to get over him.
There will come a time when you don’t really think about how long it’s been since you broke up, that when your friends ask you when did you break up, you won’t even recall anymore. When this time comes, be proud girl! Because you’re completely over him.
2. You no longer tell everyone you’re over him.
Every time you and your friends go out, you would open up about your ex and say, “But hey, I’m over him.” Believe me, you’re not. When you’ve truly moved on, there’s no point of telling everyone and every day. Because the truth is, you won’t even realize you’ve moved on until the day you realize you no longer talk about it.
3. You no longer avoid places or parties.
Losing someone you loved is hard, but dealing with them after break up is harder. At first, you tend to avoid hangouts with you and your ex’s mutual friends. You don’t want to see him because you’re afraid you might see him with his new girl, or you just don’t want to be in the same room with him. I know that feeling. But over time, you no longer care whether your ex will be in the same place or party you are because you’ve completely moved on.
4. You‘re no longer curious about him.
You don’t ask your friends about him, you don’t check his social media accounts to see what’s keeping him busy. Anything about him, in general, doesn’t concern you anymore.
5. You’re open to date again.
You date not because you want to move on, but because you have moved on. If you haven’t moved on yet, don’t think of dating someone because this will just hurt you and the person you’re dating. Do not develop “rebounding” feelings over guys because this will not help you heal.
When you’re no longer selfish and you can honestly say that you’re ready to meet new guys again, then you’re completely over your ex. You are ready to find someone, but you’re not in a rush.
6. You consider work, family time and other activities not as distractions, but things that you love doing.
We all have that friend who will advise us to travel, or focus on work and family, or do fun activities you haven’t done before in order to move on. These ideas are okay. But over time, you no longer do it to keep you distracted from thinking about your ex. You do it because you actually love doing it. You love to work, hang out with family and friends, and just travel.
7. You love doing things alone.
Solitude is not a bad thing. When we are in a relationship for too long, we tend to forget how it feels to be alone. But when you’ve moved on, you remember the feeling and you’re completely okay with it. You can go to a coffee shop alone, watch movies alone not thinking how it felt way back when you used to do it together.
8. You’re genuinely happy for him.
Being friends with your ex may not happen but you can still be happy for him. You no longer wish him ill. Or maybe you really haven’t, but you no longer feel bitter about how amazing his life has become after you. When you hear that he’s been promoted, or that he has found a new girl and say “that’s good”, and mean it, then you’re completely over him.
If you are everything listed above, then you might really be completely over your ex. But if you can honestly say that you’re still into him, then that’s okay. Timing is not important, you will get there, you will be over him. Do not push yourself too hard. Because it will just come naturally, at a time you least expect.