1. You really don’t want to meet anyone on an app. And it’s not that you don’t realize that it’s honestly similar to meeting someone randomly at a bar, you’re just sick of the endless swiping. Constantly judging and being judged via a thumb swipe is beginning to feel monotonous.
2. You want real, honest feelings. You want people who aren’t afraid to show their feelings when they have them, and that means exposing yourself and reaching a level of vulnerability that modern dating doesn’t really encourage.
3. You don’t want flakiness to be a crucial step in your courtship with someone. You don’t want to wait the allotted 10-15 minutes before texting someone back. When someone likes you, you want them to call and show them that, instead of playing the game, because that’s how it’s “supposed to go” now.
4. You don’t ever want a relationship phase that is labeled “talking.” That is NOT A REAL THING.
5. What you’d really like, just once, is to go on a first date with someone without already knowing what they do for a living, when their birthday is, who their last three profile pictures were taken with, and what their hometown is. And you’d love for them to NOT know all that info about you either. Wouldn’t it be nice to ask where they are from, and then not have to pretend you didn’t already know the answer?
6. You are pretty much convinced that everyone (maybe even including you) has dating A.D.D, and you are sick of the tiny attention span we have for meeting new people. Because we live in an information-overload digital world, it feels like people need to keep consuming, every five minutes, and that holds true in the dating world. You genuinely believe that the dating game needs to SLOW DOWN.
7. You’re also convinced that you probably wouldn’t overthink every detail if it weren’t for the fact that our dating culture seems to encourage that. If dating was more straightforward, 800% less nuanced, and used fewer social channels, there would be so much less to overthink.
8. You’re exhausted by all the technology that comes along with dating (and the protocol attached to it). Fifteen years ago, you could just call someone, and it was cute. Now, you have to text someone TO ASK IF YOU CAN CALL THEM. And like, 90% of the time, the call is happening because something’s wrong. Also, you’re baffled as to which mode of communication is the most ideal for a progressing relationship; is it text? Facebook chat? Gchat? …. Skype?
9. You are over distinguishing between types of hookups. At one point, you were either dating, or you were in a relationship. Now, you can be talking, but not hooking up. You can be friends, and not be together, but also be hooking up. You can be friends who might have feelings for each other, but might not, who even knows, and be hooking up. Or you can fall into any one of the other 85 options there are. You. Are. Over. It.
10. More than once, you’ve been taken aback by a guy or girl actually trying, because you’ve been trained to believe that people won’t make the effort. And whenever it has happened, you’ve immediately scolded yourself for being surprised by someone’s genuine effort, because that effort should be praised at this point.
11. You are sick of having to tell your friends that they AREN’T CRAZY for showing that they care. Why is that even a thing we have to counsel each other on?
12. You can’t help wondering, “At what age does this whole dating game/digital dance stop?” and you frequently worry that the answer is, “It doesn’t.” And maybe the answer really is that this digital age, half-assed, not-very-romantic way of dating isn’t going to be go away at any age. But you can also choose to break up with modern dating, and realize that there are other people choosing to do the same. That means you can still meet people in a ~~~modern way~~, but not play the 2016 dating game.