Your heart is tired. I know it is. Let me hold your hand here for a moment. I know what it’s like.
You give and you give. And you wait for a drop of love to receive to nourish you to keep going. It keeps you going for a few moments. But soon enough, you’re drained again. You find yourself wondering why he can’t prioritize you or love you the way you love him. So you give him more. Maybe this time he’ll appreciate it. Maybe it’ll encourage him to give more back.
When you give, you are living out your heart because it’s what you know how to do. And you have to know how beautiful that is. It is not weak that you text him. You wonder if you should hold it in for a few days, hoping the silence will push him to give back. But it doesn’t, does it? You keep giving. And no matter how many angles you try to give from or ways you try to be seen, you end up empty.
Being empty drives us to text more, to seem “crazy.” But you are not crazy, my love. Don’t let anyone put negative words to your aching spirit. You don’t feel safe in your heart. You know you aren’t fully understood here, but you crave it so badly, you’re willing to give more. Hoping that the time you put in won’t go to waste. So you shrink, don’t you? You become small. You compromise values you didn’t ever want to. You silence your heart because being alone sounds too scary. You wait to be seen, throwing your heart to the wind and hoping it carries you.
I know every single heartache there is around trying to make someone understand you, when they never will. I know the compromises you make. Because I’ve made them. I’ve shrunk my voice. I’ve given too much. I’ve left my soul at the door so I can feel a warm body next to me at night. I’ve realized that love is not inspiring me. It isn’t even a friend. It is a mood stabilizer.
And at some point, you break. No, you’ve broken before. This type of breaking is tearless. It is numb. It feels like the loss of self.
I want you to know you aren’t lost. You know who you are. Because you are the most caring person in the world. You crave for someone to hold your heart and look into your eyes and see you in your entirety. You want it so badly that you sell your soul to quietness so it can feel a drop of what you give.
And it is when you realize this, you know. You know the type of love you need. Because you are that type of love. You breathe it. You live it. Without you, you wouldn’t know what love was. You live it daily. It is yours. It is you.
Love is not always fluttering honeymoon feelings, and love can be work. But love comes back to you with warm hands and kind eyes. It comes back the way you have felt it, because you know it from yourself.
How long should you stay? Until the moment you realize that the way you love is beautiful, and it should be completely seen. Because you see it.