Lorenzo Jensen III

“I told an adopted girl, ‘I can see why your parents hate you.'”

“I need to feel my man waayyy up.”

“I was convinced the bears could smell blood and would eat me.”

“I realized that Facebook is just a black hole where your time goes.”

“If they start talking to Jesus, you need to get ready for something bad.”

“Double and triple texts because you don’t answer within 30 seconds.”

“When people take a lot of selfies and/or post them on social media. To me it’s either a sign of self-absorption or low self-esteem/being desperate for public approval, both of which are a huge turnoff.”

“Big Ego. Nothing screams ‘I cry myself to sleep at night’ like a guy who walks around like he owns the place.”

“My boss showed the entire staff that he has 5 nipples at the company Christmas party one year. He even let one girl touch the 5th one.”

“Humor is the fastest way to the bedroom, my friend.”

“My great-grandmother was murdered by her schizophrenic son because he thought she was the Devil.”

“Touch my face when you’re kissing me.”

“A boy I liked at school made me feel ‘warm’ between my legs and I thought I peed myself.”

“Pro: You can do what you want, when you want to.
Con: You’ve got nobody to do those things with.”

“When a close friend of mine died, he joked about it.”

“When he ate all of the crunchy parts of the Lucky Charms and left me all of the marshmallows.”

“My eldest’s father went out to get diapers & never came back, that was it, she was 2 weeks old.”

“Every so often, we would like to be told we’re attractive.”