Lorenzo Jensen III

“Being hit in the testicles is a truly unique experience.”

“Apparently if you’re a guy and you get raped by a girl, you’re lucky…”

“Once, I walked in on a girl sitting in her own barf and still doing coke. It still makes me giggle.”

“When I’m on my period, in the shower I’ll put my fingers up inside my vag and scoop out bloody tissue.”

Kyle technically became the child’s brother and father. I mean…come on now! That’s wrong on so many levels.

“Flicking their hair around. Touching their hair. Putting it up and then down again.”

“The perfect vagina is like a perfect handshake—the grip has to be strong and solid.”

“Being in this program is hard because you’re isolated. You can’t see your family. You have to cut loose your friends. You basically feel like a caged animal.”

“I became a mother just a couple months before I turned 17, and wow, did it turn my life upside-down.”

“The asexual community makes up 1 percent of the world’s population, so the likelihood that two asexuals will randomly meet and fall in love is next to none.”

It’s not about sex, you pervert!

According to legend, if you stand in front of a mirror and chant “Bloody Mary” at least three times, Bloody Mary’s ghost will appear in the mirror.

“I had an ex-boyfriend who managed to carve a 3-foot heart-shaped hole into the plaster of my attic wall.”

“I’ll be honest—at first I’d think there must be something severely wrong with her.”

“It floated above me for two seconds and then entered my body again.”

“It’s just like sex before marriage, except each of you weighs 50 pounds more.”

“I’m very very very very conscious of whether I’m staying hard.”

Gruesomely enough, there are several real-life instances of the “dead body under the bed” myth happening.