Thought Catalog

25 Couples On The Weird Things They Do Together When No One’s Looking

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Found on AskReddit.

1. “We’re both British, but for years we’ve talked with American accents when we’re alone. It’s very bizarre and I don’t really know how it started, but it’s now pretty much the only way we talk to each other. Weird habit.”

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2. “We put on oversized sweatpants, pull them up to our shoulders, and proceed to chase each other around the house.”

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3. “My boyfriend pretends to be paralyzed and makes me dress him. Apparently it’s training for when, not if, he becomes a quadriplegic.”

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4. “She likes to hold my wang while I pee. It fascinates her.”

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5. “If her tits are out, sometimes I’ll walk over and put my eye on her nipple and pretend it’s a monocle and talk like the Monopoly man.”

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6. “We ad-lib interactions between two stereotypical Midwestern middle-aged single women, one of which whom is always named ‘Barb.’ The second lady is named ‘Peg’ or ‘Pat.’ We have quite a few good stories and our fake Midwestern accents are getting really awesome!”

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7. “Sometimes when she’s feeling down, I take her foot and put it up to my head and pretend I’m talking on the (foot) phone. I’ll have these long, drawn-out conversations, and sometimes I’ll get a call on the other line (foot). Never fails.”

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8. “We have lick fights. NO, NOT THE BUTTHOLE. It starts with some cuddling, then I lick his cheek. He licks my forehead. It eventually becomes full-on wrestling with us trying desperately to get the other covered in slobber (no spitting allowed, that’s just rude). I’ve gotten bruises from lick-fights, and we keep a tally. I’m winning.”

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9. “My GF always talks about how she wishes she had a gay guy friend (not sure why) but whenever we go shopping for clothes, makeup, any other girly stuff for her, I suddenly turn into Sebastian, the super flamboyant gay friend she always wanted and gives her advice on what clothes and makeup to buy in my Big Gay Al-type voice. I’ll chop my own penis off before I admit this to my friends.”

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10. “I accuse my wife of eating an entire gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream after I get home. The catch is, she never buys mint chocolate chip ice cream. I come home from work, check the freezer and ask why the mint chocolate chip ice cream is gone. Then I proceed to scold her for finishing ALL OF IT before I even had a chance to get a bite. I don’t remember how it started, but it always makes her laugh.”

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11. “Hamstering. My girlfriend pretends to be a hamster where the bed is her cage and my dick is her water spout. She’ll do normal hamster stuff like create little nests in the pillows and snuggle or scurry around and burrow in corners. But when it’s time for water she swiggity swooties her booty to my spout and sucks it dry.”

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12. “My fiance will press his face to me and snuffle me over like a dog from top to bottom when he decides I smell good. It’s really weird but I giggle the whole time.”

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13. “We meow at each other a lot. If I meow and he doesn’t do it back, I get louder and louder til he does.”

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14. “We have screamy kisses. We kiss while screaming into each other’s mouths. Then we laugh.”

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15. “Me and my wife have this thing we do whenever we are the only two people left on the elevator. As soon as the doors close and without cue, we bust into some ridiculous dance moves while keeping our faces completely emotionless. Whenever the doors open we instantly resume normalcy.”

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16. “Me and my girlfriend like to play leg guitar. One of us will hold the other’s leg like a guitar (with the thigh as the base), with the other hand on the foot. You then pretend to strum their leg like a guitar, while tickling their foot, so that they screech like an electric guitar.”

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17. “We each sleep better if I’m rubbing at his taint. It’s just this soft little furry patch that I love so much. He’s out in minutes if I do that.”

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18. “We crack each other’s toes. The second toe joints are referred to as twisty tops.”

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19. “We go to bed head to toe. So that I can rub her feet while she rubs my dick. Best fucking way to fall asleep ever.”

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20. “Feed her cold cuts while she showers.”

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21. “He often does the Gangnam Style dance nude because it disturbs me how much the dick flops all over the place. So in return I make my pussy lips “talk” to him.”

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22. “My wife and I will pretend we’re members of the British House of Lords and only refer to each other as the Right Honorable Gentlemen. Our cat stands in as Speaker and all comments must be made through him. For example: Her: ‘Mr. Speaker please remind the Right Honorable Gentlemen that we leave the sheaths for the ceramic knives in the drawer even when using them.’”

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23. “I tell her a story about our two cats every night with me doing voices for each cat. They have an entire separate life they live through my stories. She cannot fall asleep now without hearing a cat story now.”

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24. “She grabs me by the balls and forces me to say nice things about her. I like it, but it’s understood that we never talk about the fact that I like it.”

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25. “We purposely cook things like beans and eggs to see who will have the worst farts. It’s an ongoing competition.” TC mark

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