She might smile and laugh every time she sees you.
She might give you a hug and engage in conversation.
She might answer every time you text her and ask how you are.
She might like everything you post.
And she might appear to be doing fine.
But you hurt her much more than she will ever lead on.
When she’s looking at you smiling, her heart is breaking more but she’s trying to hide it.
When she hugs you, her heart is beating faster and she’s hoping you don’t notice.
When she’s talking there is so much she isn’t saying.
Like I let you closer than anyone and I hate that I regret it.
Like I believed in you and you let me down.
Like I counted on you and all you did was disappoint me.
Like I opened my heart and I was the one made a fool.
Hoping one day you’d be ready.
Waiting. Watching. Hoping.
And when everyone told her to doubt you she held onto faith.
Every time you canceled she believed in a second chance.
And every time you hurt her she thought maybe one day you wouldn’t.
Thinking maybe the confidence she had in you, would one day be met.
Because while she was fumbling through this confusion of how do you feel?
She spelled out how she felt in black and white.
You didn’t think twice about what it took her to be that vulnerable.
Maybe you thought she was like this with everyone.
But she wasn’t.
If anything she was the opposite because she really didn’t trust too many people.
She really didn’t let too many people in.
She really pulled away anytime someone tried to get to know her.
She really didn’t believe in love then she started to with you.
Because you were different.
With you she felt safe.
With you she felt secure.
With you she felt confident.
There was a time where I know it crossed both of your minds wondering how you felt.
And she waited patiently for you to figure it out.
Waiting for a sign or the right moment.
And as she waited she fell harder and you just let her.
With every deep conversation.
With every text in the morning.
With all the time you spent together.
You were looking at your watch and she was looking at you valuing the moment.
Then she found the courage to say three words she hadn’t said in so long they almost sounded unfamiliar rolling off her tongue.
Instead of not saying it back you let her love you with everything she had but you picked and chose when to reciprocate it.
You picked and chose when you wanted her.
When she was convenient for you.
You weren’t with her when she stood there alone staring at the door hoping you’d walk in as everyone asked where you were.
You weren’t there when she was dressed to a T and the only person she wanted to impress was the only one not there.
You weren’t there as she held back tears getting the text, “he’s here.” As she sat alone in her room because you canceled.
And you weren’t there as a mutual acquaintance told her exactly what you thought of her. At least someone had the decency, to be honest.
So yeah she might smile and laugh and be polite and respect you in a way you never did her but you tested her past her breaking point.
You didn’t watch as she was the one to crumble and everyone had to pick up the pieces of the mess you caused.
You didn’t meet her with honesty. You didn’t meet her with respect. You didn’t meet her with kindness.
When you look at someone and see them not for who they are but rather what they can do for you, you lose.
Because that’s all you saw her as someone who could get you further than you were. Someone who could help you. Someone who could be exactly what you needed but you picked and chose when.
She didn’t ask much of you yet she still gave you everything she had.
And once you realized she didn’t have much more that was it for you.
You lose the love you probably didn’t deserve.
You lose respect she had.
You lose her.
And while she fumbles through confusion analyzing her reflection, questioning what she did wrong, she thinks she lost you.
In the reality, losing you will be her greatest gain.
Because to lose someone who loves you unconditionally, regardless of how you treat them, will always be a loss you can never win back once they overcome you.