There’s something about anxiety that makes you feel like you’re always going to be alone. When every word you type is reread and rewritten, when every word you say is well thought out, when every move you make you fear being the wrong one, when you’re so afraid to mess it up suddenly this fear becomes a reality and the relationship ends before it can even begin you don’t think you’ll ever get it right.
If it were anxiety vs. potential love interests it almost feels like anxiety always is going to win because the two can’t coexist.
Anxiety tells you they’re cheating even when you have no reason to suspect it.
Anxiety tells you it isn’t just a friend they are texting.
Anxiety tells you they are playing you and gives a list of reasons showing how.
Anxiety tells you they read your text but they deliberately ignoring you because they lost interest.
Anxiety tries to drive people away in full force consuming all you are by controlling your life.
But every once in awhile you meet someone who simplistically understands it or tries to.
As you worry about the past repeating itself they are constantly reassuring you that they want to be in your future.
As you worry if there’s someone else they constantly tell you it’s only you and they work to build your trust.
As anxiety tells you you’re not good enough or pretty enough or smart enough they tell you you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them.
As anxiety pushes you to strive for perfection, they are the ones telling you how proud you are even if you fail.
They compliment you until you start to believe it and then you start seeing yourself through their eyes.
As anxiety tells you, you messed up and ruined everything which immediately leads you to apologizing, they just tell you it’s okay.
They are constantly telling you it’s okay.
As anxiety tells you they are going to leave so you should beat them to it, they pull you in and don’t let you go. They talk about the problem even if it’s one that’s made up in your head.
As anxiety leads to a double text you only half regret they respond with, “I’m sorry I didn’t answer and this is why.”
As anxiety plays out every worst-case scenario and you jump to conclusions they ask what’s going on in your head and they really want to know so they can fix it.
As anxiety tells you no one will understand me but they want to.
They take on every irrational fear and worry. They stay up with you at night talking. They lift this weight that has been on your shoulders for so long you forgot what it was like to be without it.
As anxiety tells you to expect the worst and they’re going to cancel then they show up early because they already know you’re waiting.
Anxiety tells you not to trust anything they say but then they keep their word.
Anxiety tells you no one likes you or wants you here at this party but then they pull you in and make you feel wanted and included.
As anxiety pushes you to take that shot you probably shouldn’t then they watch you closely knowing when it’s time to go.
It’s being told you guys are okay even though there was no fight. You just need to know things are fine between you.
It makes you feel clingy and insecure but they build you up as anxiety tries to knock you down. And for the first time anxiety isn’t winning.
It’s the breakdowns you can’t explain. And they just hold you.
The fears that come to life only in your mind. And they just listen.
It’s not understanding this thing that now influences both of your lives but the difference is unlike you they are choosing to work through this while you’re simply forced to.
Anxiety is hard for anyone to accept and learn to live with on their own. But sometimes you meet someone who chooses you time and time again, regardless of this flaw you think dictates your life.
In the grand scheme of everything else you have to offer, they realize it’s small price to pay to have someone like you.