Kendra Syrdal

You’re still not going to be looked at like a Giselle or an Angelina. Nope. You’re going to be greeted with an, “Awwww! Babe!” because you have a baby face. And there’s really no way to be a sexy baby.

She was never embarrassed to say your name or to hold your hand in public. She was never unsure of where she stood because the answer was always, “Right next to him.”

Someday she’ll probably burp and it will shake the foundation of your home. Hazard of the hops.

Stop letting the inherit need to not rock the boat keep you from getting things off your chest. It’s not whatever; it’s important. You’re not whatever. You’re important.

She tasted like the wine I swam in when I was freshly broken, and like the confusion I once called my best friend. She reminded me of the huckleberries we’d eat before they were fully ripe, but we liked the way they bit our tongues so we kept coming back for more.

Leave a candle in your bathroom just in case, and have some around to make sure that your place always smells like a place where you would want to be. There’s nothing worse than a stinky house.

You are completely within your right to stand up and say, “I didn’t like that.” Your feelings are legitimate; do not ever believe otherwise. By ignoring it when you’re unhappy you are permitting your own unhappiness.

You’re both adults. Stop asking if you should cut their meat into bite-sized pieces for them. If you can’t handle letting them make their own decisions get a sperm donor, not a boyfriend.

I’m holding off because you aren’t here. You’re behind texts and unbooked plane tickets and not holding my hand or pouring your own glass of Pinot Grigio. You’re past highways and speeding tickets, instead of rolling over in my bed from across 600 sq ft and shooting that stupid, stupid smile in my direction.

The scene in Best in Show where the pet shop employee has the audacity to suggest that a fish is the same as a bee hit way too close to home. Your dog would absolutely be able to tell the difference. People these days…

How will you find the things you love if you’re not trying because you’re afraid? No one changed the world by living vicariously through YouTube and Cheryl Strayed novels. If something scares you a little that probably means it’s going to end up being a defining moment or experience for you.

It’s feeling like the same bland, sad, murky version of yourself day after day and just wondering if this is how the rest of your life will be.

I’ve heard a billion reasons for “why I’m like this.” I have intimacy issues, I’m afraid of liking people. My heart was broken and never really healed.

You are the person who has made “fat” the worst thing someone can be. Not cruel, uncouth, unintelligent, ignorant, impolite. Just fat. That, according to you, is the bottom of the barrel.

But this sex was different.

You’re with a bad boy, and you know that no matter how you try to spin it, you’re just another notch for him.

You don’t actually know what a macchiato is. You’ve definitely gone to a mom and pop’ coffee shop and been rudely surprised when you got essentially a shot of espresso, am I right?

If you like someone you talk to them. None of this “well she texted me first so I’m going to put her in purgatory for a couple days” bullshit.