1. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Really? Will you? Or will you just keep putting it off until it either never happens or snowballs out of control? Whether it’s the laundry piling up next to your closet or finally mending the broken relationship between you and a friend, you need to stop procrastinating on doing something that’s less than fun and pull a Nike. Just do it.
2. “It’s whatever.”
It’s not whatever. I’m so sick of seeing people pacifying their feelings in the name of seeming “chill” or “cool”. You deserve to own your feelings and express them. Stop letting the inherit need to not rock the boat keep you from getting things off your chest. It’s not whatever; it’s important. You’re not whatever. You’re important.
3. “It’s just one more drink.”
Or one more episode of Making a Murderer, or one more cookie, or one more booty call with the person who only cares about you when they’re drunk. It’s not one more; and you know that. So either own your choices and accept it (especially if involves a Netflix binge day because let’s be real – those rock) or just stop the behavior. Plain and simple.
4. “I didn’t see that message!”
Oh fuck off yes you did. Come on.
5. “I swear I’m listening.”
If you have to convince someone you’re listening it’s probably because you aren’t listening. How much does it annoy you when you’re on the opposite end of this scenario? When you’re telling your friend something and they’re scrolling through Twitter on their phone or obviously checking out someone’s ass while you talk? It. Sucks. So don’t be that person. Switch your phone to silent, make good eye contact, and be present. And, you know, not a shitty friend.
6. “I agree to the terms and conditions.”
No you didn’t. You scrolled through without reading and checked the box. And 9 times out of 10 it’s not going to matter. But then on the 10th you’ll find out that you actually agreed to something that ends up costing you a bunch of money you didn’t expect, or you’ll be called out by a person who says, “Yo. You violated this, son.” And then you’ll look like, and probably feel like, a dumb-dumb. So just give it a skim. Save yourself the pain.
7. “I’m fine.”
Are you? Because I think in 2016 “fine” is really a synonym for “repressing.”
8. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
This is something that shouldn’t have to be even said out loud. If someone tells you something in confidence, keep it that way. Don’t break someone’s trust. Just don’t do it. When has that ever ended well? …hhhmmmmm?
That’s what I thought.
9. “I’ll do it when I lose weight.”
Or buy it when you lose weight. Or you keep it FOR when you lose weight. Stop thinking about your body in future terms. You have a body, and it’s serving you right now. And it CAN serve you right now, if you let it.
10. “I know they can change.”
You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. You cannot change someone who does not want to change. Lather, rinse, repeat.
11. “I’m not jealous.”
We all get jealous and anyone who says that they don’t is *surprise* L.Y.I.N.G. It’s a natural feeling. You don’t have to go all nuts about it and get bitchy or weird when confronted with jealousy. But it’s also okay to recognize it and say, “I kind of/really/REALLY REALLY wish that was me.” And then you know what’s better? Channeling that jealousy into making something or doing something. WOAH. Full circle.
12. “I swear I can handle it.”
It’s okay to admit that you have enough on your plate, and don’t need anything else right now. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to say, “No more please.” It’s okay to admit that you cannot handle it. If you take on too much, you will drop something; it always happens. Do a reasonable amount of work at the best of your ability, instead of too much work at a mediocre ability. You, and the people depending on you, will thank you for it.
13. “I don’t usually do this…
So what if you do so what if you don’t? It’s a pointless statement and regardless of the authenticity behind it, no one believes you. Sorry…just a fact.
14. “I’m totally over it.”
But…are you? Who are you trying to convince here? Because chances are if you’re repetitively saying you’re over something, you probably aren’t. And, again. It’s okay to have feelings and express them. So if you aren’t over something that’s okay. Someday you will be and you won’t feel the need to even mention it. Promise.