To My Fellow Millennials, Please Stop Fucking Asking Me To 'Fund' You
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To My Fellow Millennials, Please Stop Asking Me To ‘Fund’ You

My computer broke today.

In the middle of editing my Macbook Air which I work off of remotely for a ridiculous amount of hours per week, holds hundreds of thousands of words to projects (of both mine and other’s), and is essentially my lifeline decided to play of fun game of “let’s act like the ‘shift’ key is always being held!!” It won’t reboot into safe mode, it won’t reset, and I can’t login because of case sensitivity.

OMG awesome! 

So, after a pretty unproductive chat session with an Apple Care representative named Jessica (not her fault, it’s my Air’s hardware I’m pretty sure) I’ve made an appointment to go to the Genius Bar tomorrow and will most likely drop a couple hundred bucks to fix my laptop, because that’s what I have to do.

You know what I didn’t do when my computer decided to make everything I said LOOK LIKE THIS?

I didn’t log onto Facebook, put up a post about how I need this to ~*follow my dreams*~ and ask my fellow millennials to support me on GoFundMe, Patreon, or (even worse imo) Paypal directly so I didn’t have to pay for my shit my damn self.

Crowdsourcing has become, if you ask me, an incredibly gross epidemic. What was initially something reserved for cases of medical emergency, tragedy, or other “this is me supporting my loved one who is going through a really difficult time” has become a way for 20-somethings to ask for “even just a dollar!!” while they work on projects that are arguably not going to make them any income. In just the last six months I’ve seen people ask for college tuition money, rent, “tip money” for their blog, and (my personal favorite) essentially just “yay you!” money while yet another 20-something writes another book about what it’s like to have casual sex.

Hey. No shade on writing a book about sex. I’ve got a book of my own that touches on the topic. (Insert shameless plug to buy my books here.

But yes shade, ABSOLUTELY shade for having the audacity to ask your fellow millennials for their hard earned money just so you can type away about banging so-and-so in your apartment on a Wednesday night instead of actually getting a job.

See, when I was writing my books, I was working two jobs. I was babysitting on the side for money. I was selling clothes I no longer wear to consignment stores for extra cash to cushion my savings. I was paying for things like computers and Ubers and rent and cellphones and drinks on dates and whatever I needed to live because that’s what adults do.

I wasn’t clogging up my fellow digital generation’s newsfeed with yet another “it’s only $1!!” posts about how that only a $1 will make my dreams come true.

Because the real, honest to God, only way your dreams are going to come true?

If you make them fucking come true yourself.

I understand that life is expensive, I do. But at the core of it the only thing I can think when I see another person asking for money for something they should be paying for themselves is that they simply don’t respect other people. You don’t! If the only thing on your mind is, “Man, I hope I can raise $14,000 to get a cosmetology or massage school or photography certificate with no debt!” you are not harboring any respect for your fellow millennials, who were ALSO thrown into a shitty job market with student loans, credit card debt, and absurdly high rent in metropolitan areas.

If you crowdsource for something you yourself should be funding, you lack a lot of self-awareness and you’re fucking selfish. 

Now, of course there is an inherent difference between someone saying, “Yo Facebook, pay my rent?” and established creators with followings and other sources of income including fan participation into that world of making money. That to me, is no different that creating merchandise. But if the only good, the only “merch” you have to offer someone is a “warm feeling” they’ll get from donating or an update about how typing away in a coffee shop instead of working at one is going? I’m sorry but you’re the worst. 

All this misuse of crowdsourcing and digital panhandling is doing is giving millennials a worse reputation than we already have. It’s reinforcing the lazy stereotype, the entitled stereotype, and the stereotype that we believe we can do anything because our parents put us on a pillow surrounded by participation trophies and told us we were just the ~*most most special*~ little princess in the world.

SO. To my fellow millennials:

Stop asking me, or anyone else, for our goddamn money.

Go outside, get a job, and make stuff happen for yourself. Build a career you are proud of and you can honestly say you made without charity or a pity dollar that someone only tossed your way because your selfie attached to a page on a free crowdsourcing site saying, “Help me make my dreams come true!!” made them uncomfortable. Work hard, fail some, cry often, and then pick yourself up and keep going.

I guarantee, FULLY guarantee, that you will be way more satisfied, more proud of yourself, and be taken far more seriously if you do it the “old-fashioned” way.

Or you know, just ignore me.

I’ll just make a mental note to block your annoying ass when I get my computer (that I paid for myself tysm) back from being fixed. TC mark

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