1. Liz: Unapologetically basic. Will Instagram her Starbucks drink and does not give a fuck. Flips her hair a lot.
2. Tara: Wore too much eyeliner in middle school. Shopped at Hot Topic.
3. Natalie: Great hair, bad influence.
4. Lindsay: Probably hot and blonde. Would win The Bachelor.
5. Lindsey: When she bumps into you after not seeing you since middle school, she honestly answers you when you ask “How are you?” It’s never just “I’m good, how are you?” it’s always like “My boyfriend just broke out of rehab.”
6. Olivia: Very chill. Boys love her. You want to hate her, but you can’t.
7. Anne: Who?
8. Annie: Overly attached girlfriend.
9. Allison: Still thinks the Blair Waldorf headband thing is cool.
10. Allie: Drunk right now.
11. Ashley: Crying while looking at herself in the mirror right now.
12. Kristen: Gets along really well with your parents. Puts “knee sock aficionado” in her social media bios.
13. Christy: Perpetually single because boys are scared of her.
14. Maddie: Thought she was going to get recruited for playing a bougie sport (lacrosse, rowing, field hockey), but she wasn’t.
15. Maddy: Can probably name all the capitals in the United States if you asked her to.
16. Gabby: Talks a lot about her feelings on the internet.
17. Emily: The girl version of “Ben.”
18. Caroline: Acts like she doesn’t have her shit together, definitely has her shit together.
19. Kelly: Recovering Catholic.
20. Stephanie: Peaked in high school.
21. Nicole: Never went through an awkward phase and you don’t trust her because of it.
22. Madeline: Her parents try really, really hard to be cool parents.
23. Cara: The worst temper of all time. Has (and will) throw beer bottles if nobody is listening to her.
24. Monica: Type-A to a horrifying degree.
25. Morgan: Feels really comfortable getting naked in front of her roommates.
26. Kathy: Had braces for what felt like 20 years.
27. Adrienne: Always hanging out with boys and says she “doesn’t get girls.”
28. Lauren: Has a hotter sister.
29. Kate: Knows how to work her mugshots.
30. Jessie: Always wanting to fight someone.
31. Jessica: Horse girl.
32. Erin: Just wants everyone to know she has a great personality.
33. Kim: Married her high school sweetheart.
34. Alex: Has a naturally loud voice.
35. Julia: Always says she’s busy “writing music.”
36. Jane: Wants to start a comedy podcast, is not funny.
37. Marissa: Loooooooooooves love.
38. Chrissy: Loves her furs, is PETA’s worst nightmare.
39. Erica: Very respectable, really normal. Will become the kindergarten teacher all dads fall in love with.
40. Erika: Emotionally unstable. Will take her shirt off at parties.
41. Sarah: Will never let you forget she went to an Ivy League.
42. Madison: Not hot enough to be as much of a bitch as she is.
43. Grace: Considered her sixteenth birthday to be the most important event of her existence.
44. Maggie: Has read receipts on, still claims she never got your text.
45. Charlotte: Stole your boyfriend, doesn’t care.
46. Beth: Vegan. Ugh.
47. Audrey: She started going clubbing when she was 14 and you’re scared shitless of her because of it.
48. Sam: Grew up refusing to wear a dress because she was such a dedicated tomboy. Still likes Avril Lavigne.
49. Samantha: Nobody ever wants to leave her alone with their boyfriends.
50. Victoria: On the dance team in high school, hasn’t stopped talking about it. Will spit on you if you call her “Vicky.”
51. Amy: 100% going to get catfished.
52. Colleen: Owns that giant, professional Nikon camera and takes the shittiest photos with it.
53. Diana: Constantly talks about how empowering pole dancing is for women.
54. Courtney: Evil.
55. Tiffany: The prettiest girl in 7th grade. You’ve never trusted her.
56. Megan: You forgot she’s in your group text because she never responds.
57. Zoey: Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
58. Caitlyn: Will go out of her way to make sure you’re feeling alright at parties.
59. Margot: Low key wants that Pinterest wedding.
60. Lucy: Bought a pipe on her senior spring break trip to Atlantis and says she’s now a pothead. Smoked once, hated it.
61. Hannah: Always the tall girl.
62. Rebecca: Dyed her hair blonde in college and then got hot.
63. Becky: Everything is always going wrong for her.
64. Jennifer: Trying to bring down the patriarchy by bringing it up on every first date.
65. Jenny: The one nice girl in the mean girl friend group.
66. Heather: Currently dating the wrong guy.
67. Taylor: Says she loves to party, leaves the party before midnight.
68. Molly: Your boss’s girlfriend.
69. Mary: Always throws up in the bathtub at parties.
70. Bridget: Draaaaaws out her wooooords when she speeeeeeaks. Also talks like she’s always asking questions?
71. Emma: Her dad got her that internship.
72. Hayley: ~*~Just one of the guys~*~. Drinks like she is sponsored by Bud Light.
73. Alyssa: Lays her poetry books out around her apartment, hoping someone will read them and then try to discuss it with her, only for Alyssa to feign shock and embarrassment that her poetry has been discovered. It’s never happened. Her poetry isn’t great.
74. Lily: Has a nail art Instagram.
75. Stacy: Resents that her mom has got it goin’ on.
76. Sara: Insane. Went to Burning Man. Doesn’t have that “h” at the end of her name to hold her down.
77. Claire: Never paid for anything in her entire life. Not even her boobs.
78. Brittany: Does that thing where she screenshots her hot Snapchats and then posts them on Facebook.
79. Katie: She’s the girl who, when you’re talking about her to someone else, you feel the need to be like, “Yeah, Katie, you know, Jenny’s friend? Blonde hair?” because nobody really remembers who she is.
80. Holly: Taught you how to sext. Out of your league.
81. Jill: Everyone’s down with Jill.
82: Michelle: You can find her at the grossest, dingiest dive bars in the area. Always befriends the bartender.
You should like Thought Catalog on Instagram here. Or read these selfie captions.