I'm Not Over It, But Not Over You

I’m Over It, But Not Over You

I’m not over the feelings I still have that I pretend I don’t. I am not over the memories that haunt me every night before I go to sleep. I am not over how beautiful you would make me feel. I am not over the way you would look at me. I am not over the years we have. I am not over all the effort you put into breaking down my walls. I’m not over the fact that you’re weird perfectly matches my weird. I am not over that you give me what I need before I ask you to. I am not over that you showed me a love that I never believed in. I am not over all the nostalgic childish things we both like. I am not over how you can remember everything from years ago like it was yesterday.

I am not over your family and friends I grew to love. I am not over the passion that never burns out, even after all these years. I am not over the fact that you make me feel safe and wild at the same time. I am not over holding your hand before we fall asleep. I am not over the first meal you made to impress me. I am not over wearing your favorite outfit, hoping you will notice. I am not over trying to win you back with my body.

But I am over it. I am over waiting for things to get better.

I am over waiting for you to not be lost. I am over apologizing for indiscretions of years past. I am over being punished for mistakes I have made. I am over not being sure if this truly still is “what it used to be.” I am over you not wanting to grow up. I am over you not seeing how perfect I am. I am over you for not giving me a chance to be more than just a trophy. I am over believing in your potential when you don’t believe in yourself. I am over feeling guilty for my success when you don’t even try. I am over feeling like I have high standards when my exceptions are more than reasonable.

I am over making compromises when all I get in return is false promises. I am not over our happily ever after but I am over us being just a “maybe.” I am not over being your love but I am over being just an option. I am not over “being the one” but I am over being a “what if.” I am over you feeling sorry for yourself and using this as an excuse to give up. I am over you acting like I make you feel inadequate when all I wanted was for you to give something a chance.

I am over you being too lazy to be the man I deserve. I am over you saying, “You deserve better” but you never become better. I am over you settling because it’s easier. I am over you running away to avoid the truth. I am over you picking the easier choice because she doesn’t challenge you like I do.

I am not over you, but I am over it.

About the author
A girl you used to know. Follow Jennifer on Instagram or read more articles from Jennifer on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related