80+ Hilarious, Laugh Out Loud Pirate Jokes

80+ Hilarious, Laugh Out Loud Pirate Jokes 

Pirate jokes are more hilarious than you think! Pirate jokes can make kids and adults laugh aloud. Here are pirate jokes to use on talk like a pirate day (or any other day!):

Funny Pirate Jokes:

  1. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
    Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  2. What’s a pirate use his cell phone for?
    Booty calls.
  3. What’s the best name for a pirate dog?
    Patches!
  4. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
    They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!!!
  5. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
    A pumpkin patch.
  6. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
    Aye to aye!
  7. Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?
    Because the captain was standing on the deck!
  8. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
    A nervous wreck.
  9. Where’s a pirate’s favorite place to eat breakfast?
    IHOP!
  10. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
    A rookie.
  11. How do ye turn a pirate furious?
    Take away the “p.”
  12. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
    He bought it on sail.
  13. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
    The plank!
  14. Why did the pirate give up playing golf?
    Because he kept hooking the ball!
  15. Where did Bluebeard the pirate get his name?
    One day, the sea the wind came and blew his beard right off!

Pirate Jokes For Everyone:

  1. What’s a pirates favourite part of a song?
    The hook!
  2. Why is pirating so addictive?
    They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
  3. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
    A buck-an-ear.
  4. What do you call a pirate’s hairstyle?
    A crew cut!
  5. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
    Because he was standing on the deck.
  6. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
    8 pirates.
  7. Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store?
    He needed a new ipatch.
  8. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
    Captain Hooky!
  9. Where do pirates go for a drink?
    The sandbar.
  10. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
    A pumpkin patch.
  11. Which Star Wars character do pirates like the most?
    Aarrrrggh-2-D2!
  12. What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate?
    Barry D. Treasure
  13. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
    Nothing, it just waved.
  14. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?
    Leeks
  15. Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?
    Because he left it off the hook.

Laugh Out Loud Pirate Jokes:

  1. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
    Aye matey years old!
  2. Why’d the pirate join Gold’s Gym?
    To improve his booty.
  3. Why does the pirate carry his sword?
    Because swords can’t walk. Duh.
  4. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot.
  5. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
    Because they already have all the booty!
  6. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
    Aye matey years old!
  7. What do pirates do on Black Friday?
    Shop the sails!
  8. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
    The plank!
  9. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
    He got marooned.
  10. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
    Swordfish.
  11. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
    Because they can spend years at C.
  12. How did the pirate find out he needed glasses?
    He took an aye exam!
  13. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
    He needed a little arrrrg and arrrg.
  14. What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
    Starrrrrve!
  15. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
    An arm and a leg.

Pirate Jokes For Adults:

  1. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
    I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
  2. What do pirates wear in the winter?
    Long Johns!
  3. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
    Because they already have all the booty!
  4. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
    Nothing, it just waved.
  5. How do pirates make their money?
    By hook or by crook!
  6. What do you call a stupid pirate?
    The pillage idiot!
  7. What did the first mate see down the toilet?
    The Captains log!
  8. Why type of socks do pirates wear?
    Arrrrgyle.
  9. What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
    Robin Hook!
  10. What is a pirates favourite doll?
    BAAAAARRRRBIE!
  11. What happens if you take the p out of a pirate?
    He becomes irate!
  12. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
    Right where ye left him.
  13. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
    One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.
  14. Why did the pirate buy an eye patch?
    Because he couldn’t afford an iPad!
  15. To err is human.
    To arr pirate.

The Best Pirate Jokes:

  1. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
    Termites.
  2. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
    A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
  3. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
    8 pirates.
  4. Who gets all their movies for free?
    Pirates!
  5. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?
    Shiver me timbers!
  6. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
    Because booty is only shin deep!
  7. Why did the pirate cross the road?
    To get to the second-hand shop!
  8. How do pirates like to cook their steaks?
    On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!
  9. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?
    High Cs
  10. What do you call a pirate with three eyes?
    Piiirate!
  11. A pirate walks into a bar with a big ships wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship’s wheel down the front of your pants?
    The pirate replies, “Aaargh, it’s driving me nuts!!”
  12. Where do pirates keep their valuables?
    In a jarrrrr.
  13. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
    Because they already have all the booty!
  14. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
    Termites.
  15. What does the ship captain keep up his sleevie?
    His armie.

The Most Hilarious Pirate Jokes On The Internet:

  1. Which restaurant did the buccaneer go out to for dinner?
    Long John Silver’s!
  2. What did one pirate say to the other?
    I sea you.
  3. Why couldn’t the 12 year old see a pirate movie?
    It was rated Arrrr.
  4. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot.
  5. A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories. The sailor pointed to the pirate’s peg leg and asked, “How did you get that?”
    The pirate said, “Aye, I wrestled a shark and lost me leg.”
    The sailor pointed to the pirate’s hook and asked, “How did you get that?”
    The pirate said: “Aye, I fought Red Beard’s crew and lost me hand.”
    The sailor pointed to the pirate’s eye patch and asked, “How did you get that?”
    The pirate said, “Aye, a bird came by and left droppings in me eye.”
    The sailor said, “That’s not as impressive as the other two. …”
    “Aye,” the pirate answered. “It was me first day with the hook.”
  6. A cruise ship passes by a remote island. All the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly
    “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
  7. A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: “They’re benign.”
    The pirate replies: “No, no doc, there be eleven. I counted them before I came here.”

Pickup lines for talk like a pirate day:

  1. Prepare to be boarded!
  2. Arrrrrrrrre ye free tonight, after bedtime?
  3. Wanna see the world’s best pirate booty?
  4. Yo ho ho! I’ve got a bottle of rum and a penchant for making drunken mistakes.
  5. Your Jolly Roger ain’t the only thing ye’ll be raisin’ tonight.
  6. Lookin’ for booty? Mine’s ready for pillaging.
  7. Permission to fire my cannon through your portholes.
  8.  Aye, Pirate! Is that a hornpipe in your pocket or are ye happy to me?
  9. I know where you can bury your treasure.
  10. Care if my parrot watches while ye board me ship, matey?
  11. Can I help making your roger a little more jolly?
  12. Let’s head back to me ship and rock the boat.
About the author
January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.

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