1. You should be mad at them, not at yourself. They were the one who used you. They were the one who hurt you. They were the one who did something wrong. It’s perfectly fine to use this situation as a learning experience so you don’t sleep with anyone else you regret in the future — but it’s not fine to shame yourself over what has already happened. You’re not a slut. You’re not an idiot. You’re not a bad person. Stop getting so mad at yourself over what happened, because even though there might have been red flags you missed, feelings are blinding. You couldn’t have seen this coming.
2. Sleeping with them will not make them love you. Unfortunately, sex doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. The experience you shared might have meant the world to you. But to them, it might have meant nothing. It might have been a one-time thing. It might have been casual. Even though you might feel more attached to them now than ever before, you have to remind yourself that you cannot use sex to win them over. There’s a chance they’ll take what they want from you without giving you what you want (i.e. a relationship) in return. If they liked you as much as you like them, they would be with you, regardless of whether or not you were willing to sleep with them.
3. Your worth doesn’t change based on how many people have been in your bed. Not every person you sleep with has to be the love of your life. If you’re interested in casual sex, have casual (safe) sex. Don’t let anyone tell you that you should be holding out for the right person. If you’re only interested in fun, and know your heart can handle sex without strings, then don’t let anyone’s opinion stop you. Do what you want. Not what society wants.
4. Sex isn’t always going to make you feel better about yourself. In other words, another person is not going to make you feel better about yourself. A relationship is not going to make you feel better about yourself. They might give you temporary highs because it’s nice to know someone else finds you attractive and it’s even nicer to orgasm — but if you want to learn to love yourself, you’re going to have to do some serious work. There are no quick fixes. There are no shortcuts.
5. Don’t make the same mistake with the same person or you’ll experience the same heartbreak. If they hurt you, if they disrespected you, if they made you feel uncomfortable, if they worsened your insecurities, if they broke your trust, if they weren’t worth the trouble since the beginning, then do not sleep with them again. Do not get into a relationship with them again. Do not fall for their bullshit again. You can’t change the decisions you made in the past, but you’re in full control of where you head in the future. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you.