40 Things To Remember About Making The First Move (When You Are Deathly Afraid Of Rejection)
Romance

40 Things To Remember About Making The First Move (When You Are Deathly Afraid Of Rejection)

If you are afraid of rejection, these reminders from Ask Reddit will help.

1. There’s always another day, another chance. You have your whole life to live and interact with people and try again. Getting rejected that time means nothing. “You can be the tastiest peach in the world and there will still be someone who hates peaches.”

2. What do you get if you don’t ask?

A: Nothing.

The same thing you get if you are rejected.

3. If you really like them, wouldn’t you want them to be happy? It’s better to let people live their lives and you yourself go find someone who appreciates you for you, not someone who won’t be happy with you and end up having a seriously bad relationship.

4. It really is not so much about you. If someone rejects you it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a shitty person, you just might not be the right person for them.

5. If you have a fulfilling life without a significant other, then it doesn’t matter if you get rejected. If you don’t have a fulfilling life, a significant other isn’t going to give it any more meaning.

6. Rejection > Unknown.

Not interested is the best thing ever to hear. Not knowing what people want is the most annoying thing ever.

7. I truly do believe that ‘what’s for you won’t go by you’ so rejection is just a step closer to being on the right path.

8. The fact that people have the right to reject you implicitly means that you, in turn, also have the right to reject the things that do not benefit you or bring you joy. You have that right also. Remember that and rejection is much easier to handle.

9. Putting your hopes into a situation where you may get a no is just setting yourself up for heartbreak. Fall in love with them, not the idea of them OR the idea of being in love. Rejection doesn’t matter when you don’t have high expectations in the first place.

10. They’re not rejecting you personally, Mr. or Ms. Redditor, they’re rejecting the skeevy sleazeball at the bar who’s hitting on them, when they’re just out for a drink…they’re rejecting the meek poindexter from journalism class…they’re rejecting the college fratboy who spent more time partying than studying. They’ve distilled you, the wonderful, complex, multi-faceted person down to one specific perception, and rejected that.

11. In context of dating; if I ask a guy, and he says no, theres about 3.5 billion other guys in the world. Odds are, one of them is my perfect match. Even if the chance is one in a million. Theres 3,500 perfect guys for me.

Another look at it would be to realize that there is a never ending chain of organisms successfully reproducing for 4 billion years. It would be highly unlikely for that chain to end with me, so I’m probably going to find a guy.

12. 99% of women aren’t going to want to be with you. You just have to find the 1% that are.

13. Dating someone is playing the game of life together. And let me tell you: playing a co-op game when one party doesn’t want to be there- that fucking sucks. You put in so much effort and they would rather be elsewhere, and you feel shitty and angry and worthless.

So when you say “hey wanna be my player two?” And they say “nah” – thank god they were up front. Can you imagine how frustrating and miserable it’d be for both of you to try to force them to play? Now you know where you stand, and you know that they don’t want to be your P2. Bullet dodged.

Even the greatest, most talented players in the world would be shitty teammates if they resented you for forcing your way into their matches for years

Pick a player 2 who wants to watch your six – a player 2 who you can depend on, and who is trying their best to be a good teammate – and likewise, be a good life teammate to them.

14. People have unique personal preferences for who they want in a partner, and often those preferences actually exclude many people that they would say are good, nice, cool people. People don’t just say yes to whoever is a good enough person. They often turn down people they like and respect, just because that person doesn’t have the particular qualities they are looking for in their romantic partner.

So getting rejected really doesn’t mean much. You could be an amazing person and still get rejected. The person rejecting you could even think you’re really cool.

15. Live by this quote:

“Imagine this: If you had $86,400 in your account and someone stole $10 from you, would you throw all of the remaining $86,390 away just to get back at the person who took your $10? Or move on and live? Right, move on and live. See we all have 86,400 second each day. Don’t let someone’s negative 10 seconds ruin the remaining 86,390. Don’t sweat the small stuff, life is bigger than that.

-Unknown”

16. Well, if someone doesn’t want me then why would I want them? I don’t want to force anything and I also recognize that if she does turn me down I’m back in the same position I’m in now. Now I’m not with this person. If she doesn’t want to hang out, I’m still not with her. See what I’m saying? Same thing. Besides, there are so many people out there you’re bound to find someone you’re compatible with.

17. I’m a person that wants things, so is the other person. We may not want the same thing, and that’s okay.

18. It comes down to your mindset being positive. I look at it as I would rather take the shot and miss than sit and wonder ‘what if’. You have to remember the pain is temporary, it stings but doesn’t last. Plus the next time you take a shot you may connect. Granted you may shoot and miss but you build off failure, it’s the only way to get better.

19. It’s nothing personal! People reject others because they know for, whatever reason, that it wouldn’t work out. Why would you want to pursue something that wouldn’t work out? Celebrate the fact that you were brave enough to take a chance. A “No thanks” doesn’t mean you’re stuck being alone, it’s just another step you take to find someone who makes you happy.

20. 30 min grace period to be sad and angry and such. After that, I move on, and start looking for another person. Plenty of fish in the sea, you will never catch any if you never cast your line.

21. Rejection is just a form of opinion. Everyone has an opinion. It doesnt mean you have to agree with them, whether it’s about you or Jesus.

Beyond that, the key to rejection is knowing yourself. It doesnt make it easier necessarily, but in my experience I always found rejection a challenge to become more comfortable with myself. Finding comfort through discomfort.

22. Understanding that rejection isn’t the end of the world.

You gotta let it go and move on.

23. Most people don’t know enough about me to “reject” me. They can reject my attempt at flirting, or they can be put off by someone about me, but I am much more complex than a line at the bar and my outfit.

24. Just reminded yourself that if you get rejected you’re right back in the place you started. And just because someone or something says yes doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be better off.

If you ask someone on a date and they say no you’re still not dating them, just like before you asked.

25. They didn’t like me, no big deal. No harm done. I’m OK with myself and if people dislike me that is a part of life. I don’t enjoy it, but it happens and I’m not upset by it.

26. Rejection sucks. That’s the way it is. No way around it- it just sucks. But you can make it suck less by taking it a different way. I used to hate rejection, I’d end up making myself cringe at random moments but then I’d think; “Hm, what can I do to make this better next time I’m faced with this situation?” Having a mindset/attitude like this makes a world of a difference. Rather than thinking that I’m not good enough, I try and figure out how to avoid rejection later. It’s always best not to dwell on the bad things.

27. Give 0 fucks. It’s really that simple. I used to always crush hard on a particular girl and get crushed when her feelings did not match my own… found out it is much easier not to limit your options and don’t catch feels until they show them back. Literally you have to train yourself to stop thinking, stop fantasizing and just be there in the moment. When the moment passes so does the pain of rejection because you are on to the next moment. If your emotions are not chips on the table then you can’t lose them.

28. It doesn’t matter. Flesh bags are flesh bags. If one likes you, awesome. If one doesn’t, their loss.

29. Getting rejected is the mandatory step before finding a good match, in the same way that success in the business world often requires failure. Almost no one succeeds on their first try, or their first 10 even.

The best “players” around will tell you that if you go to club and ask one girl to dance, go home with you, whatever, your odds are about a 5% success rate, maybe a bit higher or lower if you are blessed with decent looks or fashion taste (or both!), but not by much, and heres why: beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. Sure some people are more attractive than others by typical societal standards, but pretty much everyone has a type, and you either are their type, or you aren’t. You gotta look at it like this: when someone turns you down they are not “rejecting you” as a person, you just aren’t their type, and thats ok, maybe a guy won’t date a girl taller than him, even if she’s cute, but this guy doesn’t speak on behalf of all dudes, many guys love tall slender girls, most models are this body type in fact. Tons of guys also like petite girls too! Same goes the other way, girls like certain types of guys, some like shy, some like outgoing, some like tall, some like broad (and yes, some even like husky guys).

The nature of having so many possible different types means unfortunately the chances of you being someones type aren’t great but that also means not being someones type isn’t a big deal. Hence bringing us back to the whole 5% odds thing. So if we take this to the extreme and consider it as universally true (which it certainly isn’t) that means someone who takes 1 year to build up the courage to ask someone out will need 10 years (!!!) to ensure meeting someone compatible FOR A SINGLE DANCE OR FIRST DATE (relationships rely on much more than just type and like fuck am i getting into that this is already too long) But someone who goes to the bar and asks 10 people to whatever the fuck you kids do now days will, theoretically (by our very loose model here), find success every time. In reality it doesn’t work out exactly like this because random chance is a thing, and people can develop feelings for someone who isn’t their “type” but you get the idea.

So try to look at “rejection” less as them turning you down as a person, and instead as one step closer to meeting that special someone; finding a match. Also don’t call it rejection that’s inherently harsh, something like incompatible is more appropriate perhaps.

30. First off don’t develop a crush or anything. Don’t place them on a pedestal. Think of them as a normal human being that just missed out on an opportunity and move onto the next person that interests you. Also don’t think back about what could have been because in the end, if they weren’t interested too then it would have never worked out in the long run anyway.

31. Nobody owes me anything and I lose nothing because I didn’t have a relationship with this person in the first place, merely the idea of it.

32. Not being with someone that doesn’t want to be with you is a win.

33. That the line ‘you win some, you lose some’ is as accurate as can be. There will be chicks who you know you’re out of their league but will still reject you, while there will also be chicks who you believe to be out of your league who will be into you. It’s all an experience thing, and 99% of the time those who are still afraid just haven’t experienced it enough to have desensitized themselves.

34. Lots and lots of rejection made me stop putting all my eggs in one basket. I stopped putting so much emphasis on one situation. Stopped assigning so much of my happiness on this person saying yes or that person saying yes.

35. Get rejected a few times and you’ll learn that the worst part about rejection is just not getting what you want. If you don’t try you won’t even have a chance so why not?

36. The realization that the only one who still remembers is you, if you choose to let it bother you. Watching the locals hit on tourists at the Spanish Steps in Rome was an awakening. Guys would do their routine, get rejected, laugh it off, then do the exact same thing with the next girl standing right next to her. Often, they were friends, they didn’t care. It’s like they thought of it as a probability game. If there is a 1% chance, all I have to do is ask a 100 women. Easy, peasy. Just do it.

37. No expectations = No disappointment.

38. You’re not entitled to the affection of anyone, no matter how strong you think your feelings are for the other person. Also, it’s absurd to think that everyone is just going to be into you. Some people will certainly dislike you, some for good reasons, and others for shallow reasons. it doesn’t matter, and there’s nothing you can do about it anyway.

If anything, pay attention to how others treat you. If you find that someone is flirting with you, and you’re into it, then flirt back or continue engaging with them or whatever. You don’t have to force anything really.

Your odds go way up when you take shots at people who have already shown a little interest.

Also, not even the hottest people are batting 1.000. Everyone gets rejected, just accept it as a fact of life and move forward, learn from it.

39. Not taking it so personal anymore. There are plenty of great people I know that I’d never date, for whatever reason. If someone’s not compatible with you that’s ok, it just is what it is. No right or wrong.

40. I’m fucking awesome and it’s their loss not mine. TC mark

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January Nelson is a writer, editor, dreamer, and occasional exotic dancer. Her work has appeared on Facebook, ... Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.