1. I met my partner online and what made him stand out from the rest was he never once made it sexual and messaged me every morning to say good morning and ask how I was. 4 and a half years later he still genuinely cares when I’m not happy. I’ve never once had to worry about him cheating on me either.
2. Someone willing to take a share in generating ideas and making decisions. That starts with small things like what to have for dinner, where to go on dates, adventures. Nobody likes to be met with a never ending stream of “I dunno what do you want?” Ultimately that’s just an example of “shares emotional labour and actively strives to make the sharing of emotional labour sustainable and fair.”
3. The way he pays attention when I’m speaking. Even if it’s something he’s not particularly interested in, he still hears me out and looks at me when I’m speaking and not at his phone.
4. Could just be me and my insecurities but I find it so attractive when a guy really listens to and acknowledges you, like my current boyfriend will talk about me to his friends, he’ll sing my praises, tell them how happy I make him or repeat funny stories I’ve told him to them. I dunno, it makes me feel significant and like Im more than just a girlfriend to him, its one of my favorite things about him and what initially attracted me to him. My ex kept that side of his life separate and wouldn’t really listen to me, as though I wasn’t that important. My current boyfriend is also EXTREMELY empathetic so maybe thats why he’s the way he is. His empathy is adorable, he loves and cares about his family so much and he adores animals too, it affects him so much if someone he loves is hurting. THAT is so so attractive to me, and is why I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him.
5. Being mature about ‘girls stuff’ (e.g periods) and not finding it disgusting etc. that’s just childish.
6. Striving for personal growth and any sort of goals.
7. How well he can hold a conversation, his humor, and how he treats others. If he’s nice to you, but yells or is cold to others, it says so much about him.
8. When he has a cold, dry/sarcastic personality and sense of humor but is actually very kind and loving at the same time
9. If he can stay calm and not lose his temper or panic in situations where one might, he is instantly more attractive. Hot headed men are unattractive to me now matter how pretty they might be.
10. Clear communication and following through with what he says.
11. Sincerity – anything too slick or obviously practiced just freaks me out. When I first met my husband, he started off by trying pickup lines on me, and he’s REALLY hot, so I thought he was making fun of me and shut down. When I saw him the next week and he dropped the “smooth with the ladies” act, I found him SO much more attractive.
12. Not being too worried about maintaining their masculinity at all costs; if you do a face mask with me in the evenings, I’ll appreciate it much more than if you pick me up from work in a massive truck blaring Iron Maiden.
13. When being with him makes you safe/at home.
14. Passion for something. Whether it’s his work or a hobby or whatever, just as long as it makes him happy and excited. I once dated a guy who was really into cosplay and making his costumes as authentic as possible and I found it extremely sexy when he would start working on one. I don’t even like cosplay, I just loved how excited he would get.
15. I really like a guy who isn’t out to ‘impress’ me. That whole thing is really contrived and I see right through it. Much rather a guy just be himself.
I don’t want a guy to treat me ‘like a princess.’ I’d much rather be treated as an equal. (Not that there’s anything wrong with spoiling your S/O at times.)
16. Someone that actually appreciates the little things, puts in the same amount of time and effort as me, caring, honest and puts his pride aside. Nothing irritated me more when my ex acted like I didn’t exist at all when he was with his friends.
17. Someone who listens to what I say, remembers what I’ve said in the past, and uses that to inform conversations. There’s nothing that makes me feel like a guy doesn’t give a shit about me than when I have to say the same thing over and over, knowing that he hasn’t remembered, for example, that I can’t stand pepperoni on pizza, or that I don’t like ice in my water.
18. Acting like a gentleman and treating me like a lady, being protective of the vulnerable, a good sense of humor, being a good father. Being calm and not having a hot temper. Having strong morals. Being a good cook! Being good in bed never hurts either.
19. Dress well and smell good!
20. Loyalty. Candor with kindness. Giving a straight answer to questions without questioning/assuming intent for the asking. Being highly intelligent, educated, and genuinely humble. A wide range in his sense of humor. Sharp wit but sharper timing. Awareness of and concern for global, national, and local issues.
21. Knowing how to show that he cares. (A.k.a. being emotionally available).
22. When they have a HUGE BRAIN.
Appearance fades. Your brain can stay sharp and get better forever.
23. Sincerity and being able to understand emotions well.
24. My boyfriend is a genuinely kind person to literally everyone around him from random strangers to his family. Everyone notices and always says to me that he’s a “top bloke”, “great guy”, and “gentle soul”. So yeah, that. That’s fucking attractive.
25. Shows physical affection appropriately, no ‘grabbing’ but hand holding, hugging, being comfortable to cuddle.
26. The ability to be silly. Like let’s build a pillow fort or have a nerf gun fight.
27. The way they look at you. My boyfriend will give me this look where it’s the nonverbal way of him telling me he loves me. I also love when he talks about me to other people. When I hear that he told his family about something I did that he thought was cute or telling his friends about his happy he is with me, I can’t explain the happiness I feel
28. Can let me be vulnerable without making me feel weak.
29. Someone who embraces every bit of their femininity but is still masculine. Like I knew a guy who’s favorite color was purple, and I appreciated that. Or a guy who can love pop music and sings with it, but doesn’t ham it up to disguise it like it’s “gay”. I really like that.
30. I love when a man is nice to my dog. One of the sweetest guys I dated used to always bring a toy over for my dog when he came to visit. Probably was playing me for a sucker, but it worked.
31. Putting your comfort above his ego. When you tell him something upsets you and he makes an adjustment without taking it as an attack on his personality.
“Could you not joke about my [blank]? I’m insecure about it.” “WHAT. YOU DON’T LIKE MY JOKES. WOW”
Don’t be that guy.
32. Kindness to children and animals. Is himself without worrying what his friends think. Passionate about life.
33. How they treat servers and retail workers! One asshole move and the panties become drier than the Sahara.
34. I’d say a guy becomes attractive when he shows how much he cares of you. When that same guy can make you laugh, smile till your face gets cramps and it’ll start hurting to smile. And even if hell try to stop making you smile, you just keep on smiling. Uh basically a guy who will make your world into a better place specially when you’re not having the best moment ever. Someone who’ll be there through it all even if things get ugly.
But if were talking about in general, as long as a guy is sincere and not pretending to get onto the list of nice guys, then he’s attractive?
35. Good taste in music.
36. Kindness. And I feel like most guys I encounter treat dating like a game and for me it’s a HUGE turn off, so being genuine and not wasting my time is a huge plus.
37. Respecting me as an equal.
38. Being intellectual and artistically inclined. It goes beyond just being smart. It’s more attractive to be curious, good at critically thinking, mentally honest and creative.
I realized from my experiences that having a partner with whom I can discuss the potential mechanisms and reasons the world is the way it is and how things could be in the future is crucial for me.
39. Actually understands my mental illnesses and doesn’t shame me when they get bad.
40. A positive attitude and a good laugh are pretty much the sole things I look for in dudes.
41. Fetishes. I love the thought of being able to drive my partner wild with seemingly innocuous acts/phrases. Especially in public. If the internet is any indication, men with kinks SHOULD be everywhere, but I have yet to find one in the real world.
42. Following through with what they say and an ability to empathize with others.
43. Kindness when no one’s looking.
I remember running into a guy I liked at the mall food court and he was eating lunch with one of our coworkers. We were teens but his lunch date was a man in his thirties who is on the spectrum. Seeing my crush be a decent person for no reason other than being raised right gave me huuuuge heart eyes.
44. Good humor I guess and maybe if they have one thing (movie, game, sports team etc) they get really excited about when they ramble about it. That’s cool.
45. Since I’m a very reactive conversationalist, the ability to instigate conversation. My current SO won me over by not letting the convo die on the first date and keeping it interesting the entire time. He knew just what to say or ask me to help me talk and keep talking. He would say “pop quiz! What’s your opinion on this” and encouraged actual essay like responses. It’s was funny and dorky, and it was delightful. Now that we’ve been dating I usually talk his ear off, but sometimes I still need that little nudge to get the convo started and he is excellent at it.
46. Hard working. Especially manual labour, I don’t know why but I have a thing for rough hands and florescent uniforms.
47. Confidence, kindness (and I mean real kindness, not the “I go above and beyond to do everything for you in hopes that this will result in you sleeping with me” nice guy attitude, but wholehearted kindness). Also sharing the same humor is great!
48. When he’s passionate about something, be it his job, hobbies, views. Knowing that he’s striving and excited for something makes it easy to be excited too.
49. The ability to hold an intelligent conversation. Challenge my views, debate with me, lay out different opinions, provide fresh perspectives. A guy who can do that will prove to me that he won’t just give in to anything and agree with everything he hears. I like people who think critically.
50. If they are funny! If a dude makes me laugh, panties drop.