50 Successful, Loving Couples On The Red Flag They Are Happy They Ignored

50 Successful, Loving Couples On The Red Flag They Are Happy They Ignored

These couples from Ask Reddit are glad they listened to their hearts over their heads.

1. How she’d worry over the smallest things. Anything that went wrong (dentist, food going off, traffic, not having enough time to wash her hair) would send her into a panic and put her in a foul mood that could last for hours. I’m the exact opposite. Completely laid back. If the dentist doesn’t have good news I’ll accept it and not worry, if food goes off I’ll pop down to the shops and grab some more and if we’re late because of traffic that’s just how it goes.

I thought her moods would be the thing to end us, to slowly wear down my patience to a point where I’d stop trying to comfort, reassure and calm her down.

I was wrong.

Reader, I’ve never been happier. And we’re good for each other. I can calm her down and she can make me care about things I didn’t used to think were a big deal but ultimately are. We work so well together.

2. My spouse’s very weird and unusual sense of humor.

I was afraid he was mentally unstable. He would draw weird cartoons, mimic people’s voices and mannerisms (creepily accurate) and tell the craziest stories.

Turns out he’s just fucking hilarious and he usually keeps me belly laughing once a week.

3. I mistook my husband’s relaxed attitude with not caring. Nope. He really is that easy going. Now I love his even temperament. Some times is annoying but is mostly calming.

4. She’s very susceptible to stress. I have a much higher threshold and was afraid she would have a negative impact on my ability to deal with things.

Turns out that it was good for her to have someone that stays calm in almost every situation, as it was good for me to have someone that is not expected to act like a machine in a stressful situation.

5. I was always told to date a man that treats his mom right and is a “family man” because I could expect him to treat me the right way. My SO hates his mom and has always been private about his family. We celebrate 7 years together next month, and I’ve never regretted looking past the family thing.

6. The serial killer room. I went home with him for the first time to a completely blank room. No personal possessions, white bedspread and pillows. The windows had bars on them.

I gave him a cool picture for his walls, didn’t get murdered, and been living together two years now.

He’s just tidy.

7. I thought she was too sensitive (especially since I’m the complete opposite of that). She brings joy and excitement to my life and I wouldn’t change a thing now.

8. My partner had a string of “crazy ex girlfriends” which is usually a massive red flag.

Turns out he has really low self esteem and ended up with these awful girls because he didn’t think he deserved any better. He’d keep trying to work on the relationship waaaay beyond the point most people would bail – after them gaslighting, cheating, burning his belongings, etc.

I’m so glad I ignored that red flag! He’s the sweetest guy and their crazy was completely not his fault, beyond poor judgement dating them in the first place.

9. My boyfriend came on to me really fast and strong which I’ve always been told was a red flag. Asked me out 3 days after meeting me, told me he loved me a week later, wanted to get married after 4 months. Turns out whirlwind romances do exist because we’re perfect for each other and still going strong 5 years later.

10. I was afraid my younger boyfriend was too immature for me, after time together I realized he is actually very smart and responsible just has a stupid hilarious sense of humor. I love him and am so glad I didn’t jump to conclusions back when we were dating.

11. He wasn’t known for long relationships. I thought he couldn’t/wouldn’t keep anyone. He is just a very unique personality, that I love, many girls found that annoying and left. Been together 2,5 years, been kind of friends since 7.

12. She wanted us to not tell people we were dating. Wondered whether that was a red flag about and whether she would be willing to commit to a relationship. A few months later we made it public and we are now married.

Turns out she felt that I could be the one and didn’t want to jeopardize it by having people gossip.

13. I thought he was way too clingy and loved stuffed animals a lot, and a little too attached to stuff. He turned out to be a guy with a big heart who taught me a lot about caring for people, who mellowed out a lot. he’s working on the sentimentality and having too much stuff, he likes having space for living in too!

14. The fact that he was so overprotective. Most people see it as a red flag and I did too. But after so many years I realize that it was never about controlling me or being jealous it was just him truly caring about my well being. Especially since I used to make stupid decisions.

15. Partner came out as an ex drug addict. Red flag, didnt care. Best relationship ever.

16. She was vegetarian whereas I was almost fully carnivorous. Felt like a gigantic mismatch back then.

Now I have a much healthier and balanced diet, and I do meatless Mondays. Good for my health, good for the environment, girlfriend is happy, and I get to have a girlfriend

17. I wasn’t physically attracted to him at first.

I looked past that and realized that the reason why I was interested in him was because of his personality. The physical attraction came after (and hit me like a ton of bricks). We’ve been dating for almost five years now and I can definitely see myself marrying him one day.

18. Her friends.. When I first started dating my wife I really didn’t like her friends. They were really clingy and got jealous of her spending time with me rather than them. They were all kind of stuck in one place in their lives and didn’t seem to have any motivation to move beyond high school (I met them in their early 20s). Now we live a few states away and we don’t really see or hear from them anymore. My wife eventually realized that those friends were stuck in a rut and not interested in growing up and because she was she moved on and now she’s doing awesome things with her life. Those relationships were just a phase in her life and the result of staying too close to the place where she grew up for too long.

19. She rarely wants to talk about emotions, how our relationship is going or anything like that.

At first I took this as her not caring or keeping things bottled up, but in reality she’ll just tell me if something is up and when she says she’s ‘fine’, she’s actually fine.

I’m fairly emotional for a dude so it balances me out.

20. Thought she was too needy, realize now that I was just being stupid and playing too much video games. Now I love the codependency so success I guess, seriously too.

21. That she is so out spoken and pessimistic. I hated it at first, but I’ve come to realize that without her taking me down to earth, I probably wouldn’t achieve anything because I wanted to become something new everyday. So thanks to her I don’t live for the day and think a bit further. I really love her and I have found an education that I really love.

22. He didn’t go to college. My asshole parents are super judgmental and when I started dating my husband I was no better. I had serious concerns he didn’t go to college and nether did any of his family. Ugh, how embarrassing.

He of course is incredibly smart and is an amazing carpenter! School don’t mean shit!

23. At first we were just friends. He had lost his license for stupid kid stuff (squealing tires, load music, and several speeding tickets) and had in consequence lost his job. My friends and family thought I was nuts when we did start seeing each other for those reasons. He went to traffic school, got his insurance in check and got a job. Now 18 years later he is a wonderful husband, father and provider. Operates a crane. Sometimes you come in peoples lives when they are down on their luck. Sure glad I didn’t listen to anyone

24. His offensive jokes. It was all an attempt to hide terrible self esteem. He also had (still does sometimes) no idea about why certain comments were/are wrong. Children of bigotted assholes can turn out to be wonderful people.

That being said if I wasn’t in my “I can save the world” phase I probably would have told him to sod off.

25. Her inability to relax and not be working on or towards something.

I have slowly been able to get her to give herself some “me time” and she has worked so hard that even after I got laid off we were still able to afford Invitro when we had Fertility issues and now have 2 gorgeous twin daughters.

26. When we first started dating she used to casually talk about her ex’s quite a bit, ex boyfriends and ex hookups. Not in a nostalgic way but just like a casual way, oh my ex used to work there.

I thought it was super weird and was on the verge of saying something but then she found out I was with my ex for 5 years and asked me why I never mentioned my ex before. She told me that I can’t just forget about someone who shaped my life for 5 years and would hate it if I wasn’t able to talk about her if we broke up after 5 years. It made me realize how warm at heart she was and really relaxed my thinking about stuff like that.

She is absolutely my best friend and we talk about everything together. Oh and she goes to the toilet with the door open… so yeah, sometimes she shares too much.

27. She’s asexual, and I’m a very sexual person. I completely overlooked it on her online profile when we first started talking, and when I realized my mistake, I wasn’t sure what to do.

She was smart, funny, a great conversationalist, and beautiful inside and out, but I worried, if I was always wanting something she couldn’t provide, didn’t that mean our relationship would be doomed right from the get-go?

When I agreed to meet with her, I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. I didn’t know what to expect, but she was every bit as much a kind and amazing person in the flesh as she was in text. Also, I found out, my conception of “asexual” was a bit oversimplified. It turns out, she can have sex, and under the right circumstances can even enjoy it, but does not become sexually attracted to people or desire it.

In the years since, she has been nothing short of a dream. I love her as a person, and thoroughly enjoy our physical relationship too. I can’t imagine my life without her.

28. Distance: he was in Australia. I was in America. We made it work for 5 years, happily married for 13.

29. Jealousy. It wasn’t a problem really just an annoyance and we learned a lot from each other due to being from different cultures and backgrounds. Communicated really well together due to English not being her first language, so we made sure to communicate effectively on what bothered us and what we loved. Happily been together 6yrs. Married for 2.5.

30. She always had the TV on as “background noise” which I thought was annoying. Then I realized that she just lived alone and needed company.

31. The apartment he lived in when we first started dating was so gnarly it was unbelievable. Not like ‘messy’ or ‘dusty’ or even ‘stereotypical young adult male’, but like nothing had been cleaned ever not even one time. The grime was intense, the bathroom was a hellhole. His roommate cooked us dinner once and I was pretty positive I was going to die. The dishes got done three weeks later or not at all. He also slept on a broken futon. I ignored it because we were broke and in our early twenties and I just liked him too much. Now we’re married, and if I didn’t do the cleaning shit would get real very fast.

32. Her 3 kids. At first I was like “Ehhh I dunno about this…” All it took was one hug and it changed to “Okay I can live with this.”

33. When I first met my fiancé he was incredibly shy and quiet. I have a very outgoing personality and I’m extremely socially. I’ve been able to draw him out of his shell and he gives me balance. I’ve learned it’s ok to say no to events and just relax. I’m glad I looked past his shyness

34. She hid $10,000 of credit card debt from me.

Turned out it wasn’t a shopping addiction or anything. She had to pay for a semester of college on credit cards because she didn’t qualify for student loans and her parents wouldn’t co-sign for her. She was really ashamed and angry about it.

Happily married for 10 years at this point and she’s turned out to be more responsible with money than I am. Or at least more conservative with it.

35. My husband is extremely social and outgoing which is great, but he also is slightly…rough around the edges. Like he is not really concerned about his image and sometimes just says, does, and wears what he wants without thinking of how it looks to other people. At first I was not sure what to think of him. But I am glad I got to know him because he is one of the most genuine and trustworthy people I have ever met.

36. He spent an hour of our first date talking about the elaborate way he planned to kill himself. Turns out that nobody had ever really listened to him, including his ex-wife, and he was feeling hopeless and invisible. Once he had a chance to talk some stuff through, his depression quickly faded, and he’s been the best husband and co-parent I could ever want for 13 years now.

37. My fiancé’s previous marriage.

We met on Tinder and at the time we were both fairly young (I was 23, he was 25) and I wasn’t really looking for anything serious.

I had a habit of discounting people with what I presumed might be “baggage” like ex-wives or kids (although he doesn’t have any) because it wasn’t anything I felt ready to take on.

However, we really hit it off and he was always very upfront about the situation from day one, so I decided to roll with it.

We’ve been together 3.5 years, are engaged and are now expecting our first child together.

38. When on our second date he was super nervous and giving me some real timid-guy vibes. He was doing this thing where he would look at me and nervously bite his lip. At the time I had only ever dated super macho, very confident men. It was a real turn off and I distinctly remember thinking ‘ugh ok just get through this date’.

BEST DECISION EVER 6.5 years later he is my husband, and the best thing that ever happened to me. He is just the best thing in the world and I couldn’t give a shit about those type A guys I used to go for. I’m so glad I ended up with him because he’s exactly what I need. He’s way braver and more confident in himself than the kind of men I thought I was into. And his lip biting thing when he’s nervous is rare and super cute.

I really love my husband. Gonna go tell him again.

39. I met him on the Internet and he’s older than me. Met online when I was 12 and he was 15. He lived across the country. Met up in person when I was 16 and he was 19. Got together after that and married this year (we’re now 24 and 27).

Glad I ignored “don’t meet strangers online” however I am an advocate for being safe online. When we met in person I met him with 10 of my friends just in case he was a murderer.

40. She lived with her ex still when we met and started dating.

41. He had severe depression, no job, had dropped out of uni, lived at home with his parents, and on meeting him, clearly autistic.

He’s fucking wonderful. The kindest, gentlest man I’ve ever met. He works so hard to overcome so much all the time, despite it being so difficult for him. He supports me through everything unquestioningly, put in hours of effort to help me through my degree and professional exams, and when i was pushing for promotion. He always has time for me, no matter what.

We’ve been together 8 years, married for 6 years. He got his degree through distance learning and is now doing a masters and has a job. He achieved so much and he just needed some love and support to get there. I’m so fucking lucky to have him.

42. I ignored ALLLLLL the huge red flags about his family.

They were loud, overbearing, over sensitive, negative and narcissistic – my husband’s none of those things. I literally told him after meeting them that I never knew families like his really existed. Thought it was some exaggeration or dramatic trope.

Fortunately, nearly 15years later, my inlaws are all cut off or dead and we have zero family drama!

43. Huge huge huge collection of Magic The Gathering cards. Loved gambling.

He’s very responsible with both. Has never lost more than $10 in a casino, and is good at stopping. And he trades MTG cards enough that the hobby sustains itself, and might even be turning a slight profit.

44. She wouldn’t organise for me to meet her family.

It’s 2 years in, we’re now married, and I still haven’t met them – but it’s okay. I’ve met her friends and for her they are her family, so that’s all okay in my book.

45. Rumors that he was a douche.

Turns out he was really sweet.

46. We are the complete opposite. I love to flit around, not staying anywhere too long and live in the short term without any kind of planning on impulse.

She hates the idea of being without a long term plan and knows exactly what she wants to do with the rest of her life.

She has managed to help me sort out some kind of realistic path for the rest of my life (our lives), and I’ve managed to get her on a rough planned tour of SE Asia (keep going till the money runs out). We have managed to develop the parts of our personalities that made life difficult for us, and each individually blossomed as a pair.

We are currently on our way to Malaysia, and I’ve managed to stash a ring in my back pack. She makes me excited for the rest of my life.

47. Both of our families were worried the 7 year age gap would be a big hurdle to overcome (I was 20 and she 27). 11 years together and 5 years married, it’s never been an issue!

48. When I met my wife and we became more and more intimate, she opened up to me and told me, she didn’t want to have secrets from me. She then proceeded to tell me the story how she had spent some time in a psychiatric clinic recently and what she had been through. I was a little bit scared first, but she managed to convince me that she had made a full recovery. She told me she went full jackpot with me and risked me getting up and leaving her, but she didn’t want to build our relationship on a lie. We have been married for 15 years now and she’s the love of my life.

49. When I met him, my husband had just closed his comic book store. I had a few people who didn’t know him at all tell me that he was a loser because he had a comic book store and that “type” never does well in life. I knew his store closed for reasons out of his control (business partner for cancer, sold the store to pay for treatment) and that he was seriously depressed about it. No one else seemed to see the man I did and I felt like I was stealing him. Legit the most generous, kindest, funniest, smart-ass dude I’ve ever met.

I’m glad I ignored them because I doubt I could find a better partner in life. There’s been a lot of shit thrown at us but we have navigated it together. I love him and despite how much the rest of my life sucks, my marriage is resilient and healthy.

50. First date: He had a machete on his truck seat and two ropes on the floor. “I’m sorry, I’ve been to the ranch and I was cutting weeds.”

Little did I know…there were also two shovels under the back seat. He is a biologist and he will hunt down plants. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.