1. Where do mice park their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.
2. There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats!
3. How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
With flood lighting.
4. What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
The police had to comb the area.
5. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
6. How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
“Pleased to eat you.”
7. What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
8. How do spiders communicate?
Through the World Wide Web.
9. Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
10. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
11. A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu
12. What do you call shaving a crazy sheep?
13. What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same?
14. Where did the cat go when it lost its tail?
To the retail store!
15. Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
16. Why is a bee’s hair always sticky?
Because it uses a honey comb!
17. Why are fish so good at watching their weight?
Because they have lots of scales.
18. What animal has more lives than a cat?
Frogs, they croak every night!
19. What do you get from a pampered cow?
20. What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?
21. Who makes dinosaur clothes?
22. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A try and try and try-ceratops!
23. What pine has the longest needles?
24. What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen.
25. Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
Because his feet stink!
26. Why don’t bears wear shoes?
What’s the use? They’d still have bear feet!
27. What do fish take to stay healthy?
28. How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Plug its nose.
29. What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
30. What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?
A woolen jumper!
31. Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
32. What is black and white and red all over?
A skunk with a rash.
33. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
It gave a little wine.
34. What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon.
35. What do you call an exploding monkey?
36. What do you call a cow in a tornado?
37. Which day do fish hate?
38. What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
39. How does a dog stop a video?
He presses the paws button.
40. What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A lawn moo-er.
41. What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A watch dog.
42. What do you call a thieving alligator?
43. Where did the sheep go on vacation?
44. What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth!
45. How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
46. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
47. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breathe through something so small?”
48. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.
49. What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill.
50. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
51. Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale.
52. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
53. For sale: Dead Canary.
Not going cheep.
54. What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They’re under a buck.
55. What do you call an alligator with a vest?
56. What do you call a cow who plays an instrument?
57. Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
58. Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
59. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
60. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
61. Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
62. What do you call farm animals that have a sense of humor?
63. What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabites.
64. Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
65. What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you’ll never get caught.
66. Two silk worms got in a fight.
It ended in a tie.
67. Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did they would always be falling asleep.
68. Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
69. What kind of bees eat brains?
70. Where do cows go on holiday?
71. The early bird might get the worm…
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
72. What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?
“Should we walk home or take a dog?”
73. What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?
74. What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite.
75. What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
76. What is a dog’s favorite city?
77. Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
They kept dropping their trunks.
78. What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
79. What is a cat’s favorite song?
Three Blind Mice.
80. Which kinds of snakes are found on cars?
81. What do ducks watch on TV?
82. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A rocker spaniel.
83. What is a cat’s favourite color?
84. I was going to tell you a cow joke…
but it’s pasture bed time.
85. What do you call a pig with no legs?
86. Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
87. What are caterpillars afraid of?
88. What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
89. What kind of cats like to go bowling?
90. Why did the bee go to the doctor?
Because he had hives.
91. Where did the sheep go on vacation?
92. What do you call an arctic cow?
93. Why did the lamb run over the cliff?
He didn’t see the ewe turn.
94. Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove she wasn’t chicken.
95. What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
Wait at a buzz stop!
96. What bird can be heard at mealtimes?
97. What kind of ant is even bigger than an elephant?
98. What do you call a dog magician?
99. What do you say if you meet a toad?
100. What college do skunks attend?