I should have walked away the first time you ignored my texts. I shouldn’t have sent you a follow up message. I shouldn’t have stalked your social media to see if you’ve been posting from your phone. I shouldn’t have uploaded selfies and stories in the hopes you would see them in the meantime. I shouldn’t have tethered my worth to whether or not you paid any attention to me.
I shouldn’t have given you so much room to screw around with me. I shouldn’t have let you get away with waiting days to get back to me. I should have stuck up for myself. I should have confronted you — or at least let you know that you were hurting me deeply every time you actively chose to ignore me.
I should have walked away when you made it clear you were’t able to make me a priority in even the most basic way. I should have realized you weren’t going to be able to give me everything I needed when you couldn’t even muster up the energy to answer a text with more than one or two words. I should have realized shitty texters normally end up being shitty boyfriends.
It’s not like I’m expecting much. You don’t have to text me back within seconds. You don’t have to write paragraphs while you’re at work. I just want some sort of indication you’re paying attention to me — and you actually give a shit about me.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect someone to send a few texts throughout the day when it takes close to zero effort to send a text nowadays. I’m thinking of you is enough. Sorry I’ve been busy but I can’t wait to see you later is enough. Sometimes, even an emoji is enough.
If you aren’t able to answer my texts, it makes me think you have better things to do than deal with me. It makes me think you’ve forgotten about my existence as soon as we’re in separate rooms. It makes me think you’re only pretending to care when you see me in person because that’s when you’re able to get what you want from me. And that’s unacceptable to me.
Moving forward, if someone isn’t able to get back to me for days or even months at a time, then I’m not going to waste my time with them, because I’ve already wasted enough time already. I’ve stared at my phone for longer than I should have. I’ve checked and rechecked messages more than I should have. I’ve double texted more than I should have.
I should have known better than to send you text after text when there was never even a guarantee you were going to get back to me.
I should have walked away when you showed me you had better things to do than answer my messages.
I should have realized I was asking the absolute minimum from you — and you couldn’t even give me that.