Friends don’t pick and choose when to answer texts. They are there for each other at any time of day, not only at night, not only when one person is feeling lonely and can’t find anyone else to fill the absence.
Friends don’t go missing for weeks and then suddenly appear again without an apology. They are consistent. Constant. They never leave each other hanging. They never disappear without a word.
Friends don’t make each other guess what is on their mind. Friends talk about their deepest secrets. They are open with each other, honest with each other. They admit what is running through their head and reveal little things they keep hidden from the rest of the world.
It took me a long time to realize we are attracted to each other, we flirt with each other, but we are not friends. We never were.
Maybe that’s why we don’t talk anymore. Because now that there’s no chance of us getting together, there’s no point in talking. There’s nothing we have to gain. There’s no reason to pick up the phone.
It’s funny how I spent so much time thinking about you, even though I barely knew you at all. I only knew the surface layers. The parts you were willing to show me.
I doubt you would be able to list off my favorite songs or animals or memories. All of our time together was spent flirting. Bantering back and forth. Exchanging compliments. We never spoke about anything real. I never learned about your childhood or what your parents did for a living. You never told me what your tattoos meant or where you spent the holidays.
Back then, I assumed you were quiet. I assumed you needed more time to get comfortable around me and then you would start opening up. I assumed it would only be a matter of time until the dynamic between us shifted.
I mean, we texted. We flirted. We spent plenty of time in the same room together, which is why I assumed we were friends. I assumed you cared about me in the same way I cared about you.
I didn’t see you as someone I wanted to sleep with once and then sneak away from in the morning or someone I wanted to date without a friendship built inside. I saw you as someone I could trust. I saw you as one of the few people I actually enjoyed spending time alongside.
Obviously you felt differently. You saw me as a stranger that you could flirt with when you were bored. Someone you wouldn’t let yourself get too close to. Someone you considered temporary.
When we stopped talking, you lost someone that you pictured yourself hooking up with one day in the future. I was the only one who lost a friend. I guess that’s why getting over you has been so much harder for me than it was for you. Because you were more to me than just some guy I flirted with.