You Don’t Have To Stay Friends After He Hurts You

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It doesn’t matter if he dated you for years and then dumped you or if he led you on for months and then made it clear you would never become his official girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how he hurt you or whether or not he meant to hurt you. All that matters is that it happened. Your heart is shattered. Your hopes are gone.

You don’t have to answer every text he sends and pretend like you’re fine, like nothing happened, like you haven’t been crying your eyes out over him.

You don’t have to be the bigger person or take the high road.

He had no obligation to date you — and you have no obligation to stay his friend.

You are allowed to delete him from social media, because it’s too painful to see the pictures he posts with other girls.

You are allowed to block his number from your phone, because every time his name pops up on your screen, you’re reminded of the fact that you’ll never be his.

You are allowed to cut him out of your life, because you love him so much that it hurts. Because you can’t stand the thought of just being a friend when you were initially looking for so much more.

Of course, doing this won’t be easy. It won’t be easy to resist the urge to talk to him when you know he’s been looking for you, waiting for responses. It won’t be easy to leave him in your past when you once dreamed about creating a future together.

Even worse, he might get pissed off at you for ignoring him when he feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. He might call you selfish and bitchy and fake.

Even your friends might tell you that you’re overreacting, that rejection is not worth losing his friendship over.

But you’re the only one who knows what you can and cannot handle. You’re the one who knows which situations are healthy and which are toxic.

If it hurts to hear his voice, to see his face, to be a part of his life — then you have to say goodbye. At least for now. And that’s okay, even if it feels like you’re being dramatic, like you’re letting your emotions get the best of you.

You are allowed to get over him in any way that your heart needs.

You are allowed to tell him the truth, that you can’t stand the thought of hearing him talk about his love life and watching him happily date other women.

You are allowed to be upset over the fact that he doesn’t want you in the same way that you want him.

You are allowed to admit that you don’t want to be in his life halfway. That it’s either all of nothing. That he’s either your boyfriend or a stranger.

You have to respect his decision not to date you. And if you realize that there’s no way you can be friends with him, then he has to respect your decision, too. TC mark

Holly Riordan is the author of Lifeless Souls, available here.

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