“It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it’s told.”

Hiking alone at dusk doing a five mile loop in the Santa Monica Mountains in Los Angeles. I see another lone hiker approaching from the opposite direction. As he gets closer, I suddenly realize I know this person: It’s the guy who played Jame Gumb, aka Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. We get within three feet of each other. He looks at me. He sees the lightning bolt of recognition hit my face. His sad and resigned expression back said it all: “Yes, I’m him. No, I’m not really a serial killer.”

I walked briskly by him anyway and didn’t look back until I was a good 100 yards down the trail.

Good thing they didn’t open it

My buddies and I found a cooler in a gully while camping.

It was dark and we left it, but authorities found it a few weeks later and there was a body in it. So that’s cool.

This is the creepiest one of all

Too many weirds and creepies to list, so let’s just go with the most recent. Behold, the mysterious alpine cucumber, found only in the Pacific Northwest in early spring somewhere above 3,500′ (1,000+ meters).