Erin Cossetta

A relationship with a Sagittarius never feels like work.

Geminis aren’t capable of paying attention to something long enough to survive a horror movie. They’d get bored of sticking with the group and wander into the basement to explore a strange noise.

“They sat there (hiding) until her boyfriend left and she was alone and proceeded to put masks on, come in the house and stab her.”

There is no one more loving than a dog owner.

You’re going to lose her by getting stuck in small talk when she is desperate to go deeper.

Taurus: stubborn, lazy, passive, depressing, selfish.

Virgo: you view garbage people as a fun project to work on.

Gemini: passionate, exciting, eager, friendly, curious.

“You make me happy.”

Cancer: people take advantage of your generosity.

When you deal with life and death situations every day, you realize things normal couples fight about just aren’t a big deal.

Sagittarians are known for being the life of the party. Gacy would fit right in with this crew of class clowns, you know, minus the whole murdering people thing.

Capricorn women create a couple that is like the Joneses everyone else wants to keep up with.

Clown Man.

A man who was a 3 hour hike in the bush…sitting on a stump in a tuxedo, with an axe in hand, and no camping gear in sight.

April Ludgate. On this entire planet, there is truly no other person who is like you. You forge your own unique path, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. People are drawn to you because you’re fearless about being who you are, no matter how unconventional it is. You think nothing is lamer than people who do the same thing everyone else is doing.

Aries are one of the worst signs to make a long term commitment to because they always put themselves first and have a fickle nature — a terrible combination for someone you’re planning to invest a ton of time and energy into.

Come to think of it, Capricorns would make pretty good serial killers…