These Are The 5 Zodiac Signs That Would Die First In A Horror Movie


(May 22nd to June 21st)

Geminis aren’t capable of paying attention long enough to survive a horror movie. They’d get bored of sticking with the group and wander into the basement to explore a strange noise or stop in the middle of being chased by the killer to admire a cool sunset or something. Their best bet is to be so distracted by their standard issue shiny object syndrome that they wander off set completely and evade the killer by not being anywhere you’d expect them to be.


(June 22nd to July 22nd)

The Final Girls

Poor sweet, loving Cancer. There’s no way they make it through a horror movie alive. If they don’t sacrifice themselves to save a loved one, they end up chopped up because they trusted the wrong person in a rush to show that person how trustworthy they are. Their only chance to make it to the end is if one of their tight knit crew is able to look out for their Cancer buddy and drag them along to safety.


(July 23rd to August 22nd)

While overall deep and intelligent people, Leos have a superficial streak to them that Horror movies don’t tend to allow. They’ll be axed while doing some silly vain thing that in normal life isn’t a big deal at all. A Leos best bet is to reorient their confidence boost to be about outsmarting the villain!


(November 23rd to December 21st)

Sagittarians are great at entertaining friends but terrible at taking anything seriously, even with a killer on the loose. They’d be partying and trying to have a good time and be completely caught off guard when they meet their untimely demise. Their only shot is if a Taurus or a Virgo is around to keep them focused long enough to survive.

For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new.
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For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new.

How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on.

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(February 19th to March 20th)

Gentle Pisces is not made for the dog eat dog world of horror movies. They’re far too sweet to put up much of a struggle, fighting was just never their thing. If it’s any consolation their candlelight vigils will be well attended and their legacy will live on in their art. So, there’s that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark