6 Reasons Why Women Love Dating Direct Men

Twenty20 / Rebekah Maynard

Have you ever wondered what will drive a woman to choose you over her other options? If you’re direct and confident while others remain passive, there will be no contest – you’ll already be the clear winner in her eyes.

There are many reasons why women are attracted to direct men. Dating is so much easier when there are no games. Women aren’t interested in putting up with the guessing games that ambiguous and passive types often subject them to.

If she’s dating someone who makes her feel unsure of where she stands, she’ll feel compelled to look for someone else. Why? Because women don’t want to date anyone who makes them feel uncertain, and a real man is direct. Passive men are a dime a dozen, and most women can’t stand passive men. The inability to be direct is a dating deal-breaker for many of us.

Many young women who are single and navigating the dating scene read The Babe Report and e-mail me with their frustrations regarding how tough dating can be, wanting advice. So what is the most common complaint among these single ladies? Indirect, passive men who have no solid plan, no clear intentions and make dating feel exhausting instead of fun by making them constantly have to guess how he feels.

April Masini, Relationship Expert and the voice behind the popular Ask April advice column, with me that there’s something seductive about a direct man. She said, and I quote: “Men who are straightforward, open and honest in a relationship project a sexy confidence, and that’s an aphrodisiac that beats oysters any day. Lots of men think it’s money or girth that women are after, but in reality we’re after confidence, a sense of humor and success — all of which require a man to be direct, straightforward and open. The sexiest men are the ones who make their intentions known so that the woman doesn’t have to waste her time stressing about mixed messages or second-guessing herself.”

David Klow, a Chicago based Psychotherapist and owner of Skylight Counseling Center explained this concept to me in a way that made me smile and nod my head in agreement: “Women like direct men the same way a salsa dancer likes a good lead. When there is clarity and direction, she feels relaxed. When a woman is salsa dancing, if her man is unsure and waivers she is then forced to step into a masculine, leading role even though she would prefer him to lead. This usually does not work. If she can’t trust his movements, they step on one another’s toes. If he is direct and clear in his leadership, however, everyone wins.”

The ambiguous type will always be indirect and will never be transparent. If you’re not straightforward, and you’re too mysterious, dating you won’t be enjoyable. Direct men don’t cause a woman anxiety, because they don’t leave her wondering, waiting and worrying. Instead, they’re upfront and assertive. Here are 6 reasons why women love dating a direct man:

1. Dating a direct man won’t be stressful or complicated

Dating should be fun, not stressful. When her man is confusing her with ambiguity, it’s complicated instead of easy, and she’s anxious instead of happy. It’s hard to trust the ambiguous type and her confidence level goes down the longer she has to guess how he feels or deal with his indirectness.

When a man is really present when they’re with a woman, is open about his feelings for her and is showing genuine interest – that makes dating enjoyable. Being mind f*cked, however, is not fun. The key is to only date people who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

Why would she want to feel anxious or uncertain because his actions and words aren’t matching up and he is frustratingly indirect? Dating uncertainty is not pleasant for her: it should instead be obvious to her when someone is serious about her.

He should make her feel secure. Otherwise, her self-esteem is in jeopardy – and her self-esteem is a prized possession: something she won’t want to risk damaging by dealing with mind games.

Sasha Daygame, direct dating coach, creator of The Direct Dating Summit and author of “The Direct Daygame Bible: How to Meet and Attract Beautiful Women in Everyday Situations” explains that being the ‘mysterious type’ results in nothing but awkward complications. Sasha states: “The mystery method was popularized by the book The Game and encourages inauthenticy and awkward interactions” compared to his direct dating method which “encourages honesty, authenticity, and expressing yourself assertively.”

2. Direct men exude confidence

Confident men are sexy as hell. However, it’s pretty hard to come across as a confident man if you’re indifferent, indirect or passive. Confidence stems from being secure with yourself, and secure men are always direct and straightforward with both themselves and others. It takes confidence to be direct, and women are well aware that these two qualities usually go hand in hand.

Direct men, or the alpha male type, are the type women are often the most attracted to. The reason for this has to do with a confident and direct man’s ability to really go after what he wants.

If she’s what he wants, he’ll pursue her – and women love to be pursued. They love it when a man makes plans with them in advance, plans out an entire evening and even follows up with her the next day. Going after what you want involves confidence, direction and passion.

3. Direct men won’t waste her time

A direct man will be upfront and honest if they are not feeling a connection after the first few dates, and they also have no problem being direct about how into a woman they are if they do feel a connection! Ambiguous men, however, often avoid being honest and have no problem wasting a woman’s time if it means they can side-step an uncomfortable conversation.

Direct men aren’t afraid of uncomfortable conversations – they simply believe in honesty. The beauty of being direct is that your woman can feel confident knowing that if something is bothering you, you’ll at least talk about it, which puts her over-thinking mind at ease.

Certified Divorce Coach Arianna Jeret is well aware what tends to cause friction in relationships, and explains how to avoid conflict and wasted time: “If a man is direct and open, he is much easier to trust. From a woman’s perspective, the fewer things to potentially misinterpret in the relationship due to indirectness, the better.”

When someone seems hard to read, it’s often because they’re not all in and they’re avoiding being honest. The puzzle likely isn’t hard for her to figure out: He’s simply not interested in a relationship with her. Though the truth may hurt, she would prefer honesty over wasted time she’ll never get back.

4. Direct Men make women feel at ease

A man who is not straightforward with a woman will do nothing but stress her out. Stress causes chest pain, fatigue, stomach cramps, back pain, headaches – all of which she doesn’t need in her life! It may be difficult to relax when she is feeling insecure and rejected, compared to a relationship free of games, which leaves her feeling at ease.

When there is less reason to doubt the person you are with, there is less stress associated with the relationship. We need less stress in our lives, not more, so she’ll want to walk away from anyone who is making her second-guess herself. A woman will naturally feel much more relaxed and comfortable if her man is direct.

If you’re a man who tends to be uncomfortable with being direct, Certified Life Coach and Relationship Coach Nadia Marchant has a tip: “If you tend to avoid being straightforward because it makes you uncomfortable, step outside of your comfort zone and be direct in the interest of making her feel comfortable.” Nadia is also the Operations Manager at the world’s largest speed dating company, Fastlife, and she often receives feedback on what women liked and didn’t like during their short mini-dates with eligible bachelors. You guessed it: a confident and direct man was usually deemed a turn on.

5. Direct men have strength of character

It takes a man with good character to be forthcoming about his intentions instead of passive or nonchalant. If he’s direct, he’s real. A genuine man is very attractive to a woman. Sometimes, when a man is too nonchalant and never straightforward, he’s pegged as a man with commitment issues. It’s likely that the direct man doesn’t have any obvious commitment issues.

The great thing about direct men is that it’s easy to trust them, because they’re usually quite honest about their intentions, and clear about what motivates them in a relationship.

6. Transparency is key in relationships

A transparent man will not beat around the bush due to fear of rejection or due to the fear of an adverse reaction. A transparent man will communicate his emotions, and be honest about how he’s feeling and what he’s thinking.

Nicole Prause, Ph.D. and Sexual Psychophysiologist pointed out to us that “some people really struggle to communicate their emotions accurately. Desiring somebody ‘direct’ is actually code for wanting someone who is aware of their own emotions and can accurately communicate them, but also relieves
some of the stress on the partner who is trying to accurately understand their emotions. When any part of this complex chain breaks down, it can be a source of conflict and even central to the relationship ending. Of course, men and women would want an emotionally savvy partner!”

Woman are much more attracted to the emotionally transparent man compared to a man who is closed-off and shutting her out half the time. Back when we were girls, we may have been attracted to the mysterious man who was tough to figure out. Women, though, don’t have time for that sh*t. She wants you to tell her what’s on your mind instead of shutting off when something’s wrong.

Transparency is also what makes her feel like you’re all in and not half there. It is key in relationships because it allows her to feel closer to you, and causes the relationship to progress rather than fall apart. TC mark

Erica Gordon is the author of Aren’t You Glad You Read This? The Complete How-To Guide for Singles with a History of Failed Relationships Who Want their Next Relationship to Succeed, available here.


Erica Gordon

Erica is a writer, blogger and dating expert from Vancouver, BC. She runs The Babe Report, a free advice column for millennials. Get her book, Aren’t You Glad You Read This?, a how-to guide for singles, here!


More From Thought Catalog

  • http://jaycolby.wordpress.com Jay Colby

    Great post!

  • http://googirl.jp/renai/160513nikusyokudanshi004/ リードしてくれる男性に惹かれる6つの理由 | 女子力アップCafe Googirl

    […] ▽ 参考記事: 6 Reasons Why Women Love Dating Direct Men […]

  • https://alanabache.wordpress.com/2018/12/02/females-just-want-to-act-like-real-women-however-society-forces-them-to-play-a-dance-between-being-manly-and-womanly/ Women Just Want to Act Feminine But Men Won’t Allow Them To Bask in their Natural Femininity – Alana Bache's Blog

    […] Klow, a Chicago based Psychotherapist and owner of Skylight Counseling Center explained this concept: “Women like direct men the same way a salsa dancer likes a good lead.  When there is clarity […]

  • https://alanabache.wordpress.com/2018/12/27/many-women-want-to-bask-in-their-femininity-but-men-wont-allow-them-too/ Many Women Want to Bask in Their Femininity But Men won’t Allow Them too – Alana Bache's Blog

    […] David Klow, a Chicago based Psychotherapist and owner of Skylight Counseling Center explained this concept : […]

blog comments powered by Disqus