Sex and the City which premiered in 1998 was certainly ahead of its time when it came to capturing the experience of many women in dating, romance, and sex. Even today, there are many legendary quotes and situations from the show that ring even more true in the modern dating world. See if these resonate with you, and don’t forget to binge-watch Sex and the City now that it’s available for streaming on Netflix.
“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”
Now that modern women are decentering dating from their lives and sticking to their standards, it’s become an era of freedom, self-love, and liberation. Women have left dating apps and casual hookup culture en masse to pursue more organic real-life connections or peaceful solitude. Being single is no longer as stigmatized – it is becoming more and more prioritized to pursue before a woman chooses to settle down, if at all, and has become an exciting era of self-discovery to ensure one is not settling for less when choosing a partner.
“There is a good way to break up with someone, and it doesn’t include a Post-It!”
Replace post-it note with a lack of text message responses after a period of love bombing, and you’ve got yourself a modern dating climate of ghosting, breadcrumbing, and a litter of false promises – or perhaps a man watching your Instagram story silently for the next eighty-four years. While we don’t get break-ups like the one Carrie had with Berger as frequently nowadays, women today still have to deal with mishaps, uncertainty, upheavals and miscommunication over modern technology that are quite cumbersome in the realm of romance.
“Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”
This quote encapsulates the different types of women in the modern dating world. It includes people who are willing to settle down for anyone so long as they’re settling, people who have actually found a compatible mate, and the eternal romantics with high standards who don’t tend to settle at all until they’ve found “the one.” In a world where low-effort dates and emotional unavailability are becoming more and more normalized, it’s important for modern women to stick to their boundaries and standards.
“I don’t understand why women are so obsessed with getting married? I mean married people just want to be single again, if you’re single, the world is your smorgasbord.” + “You know marriage doesn’t guarantee a happy ending, just an ending.”
The foreshadowing is so real in these two quotes. Who would have thought that years later, many women would be abandoning the idea of marriage altogether? Marriage as a social construct has been put under the critical lens this past decade, especially given its shortcomings for women and the larger amount of domestic and emotional labor women are expected to put up with as they become wives – something they no longer need to do for survival. Research has indicated that the happiness of married people doesn’t appear to reliably increase over time whereas the happiness of single people does, and that psychological distress can actually increase for women after marriage.
“The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don’t know how to screw you.”
Who knew Sex and the City could offer so much insight about the dating experiences of women in one single sentence? Many women have relayed horror stories about the modern dating world – whether getting manipulated by the so-called “nice guys” or the overt con artist “bad boy” types. The orgasm gap in casual encounters has been scientifically studied, and lackluster lovers abound. Many women feel they really have to dig deep these days to find a high-quality lover, let alone a high-quality partner.
“It’s so interesting, you can tell a man I hate you and you’ll have the best sex of your life, but tell him I love you, and you’ll probably never see him again.”
This quote perfectly captures the throes of hookup culture and hot-and-cold relationships. Sexually charged relationships can begin and be filled with plenty of passion, flirty banter, and chaos, but fulfilling, soul-nourishing relationships in the dating world can be rarer to find. For many, the chase and pursuit keeps the romance alive – but once a woman feels sufficiently invested in a relationship, she often feels her emotionally unavailable romantic partners can suddenly lose interest.
“I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it.”
Miranda Hobbes was so on point with the different ways successful men and women were treated in the dating world. Research indicates that even today, men on average tend to feel threatened by successful women. Not much has changed – if anything, these issues have exacerbated. As women get increasingly more ambitious and successful, their male counterparts often fall short in offering authentic support, and some may even feel emasculated. As a result, successful women often have a harder time navigating the modern dating world.
“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the “you” you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”
This is a quote for the ages, and sadly Carrie Bradshaw did not follow her own advice given the many chances she gave to Mr. Big. However, that doesn’t mean viewers of Sex and the City can’t take this quote and apply it to their own lives. A great partner should bring value to your life and provide the cherry on top – they should not be the center of one’s existence.
“Maybe we can be each other’s soul mates. And then we can let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.”
This is another instance where it would have been nice if Carrie actually followed her own sage advice in prioritizing her female friendships on the show, but maybe we can still learn from what she didn’t do by remembering that soulmates cannot just be found in lovers but also best friends, loved ones, and ourselves. Self-partnership and friendships can be some of the most beautiful love stories, and they are just as worthy of pursuing as romantic love.
