Why The Idea Of A ‘Twin Flame’ Is Dangerous

Last year, I met a person who I was convinced was my twin flame. Before meeting him, I hadn’t heard of the twin flame concept before, nor did I even believe in soulmates. I was 24 years old when we met, and upon meeting him, I experienced what is known as a kundalini or spiritual awakening.

Meeting this person shook up and disrupted my life in very painful ways. It caused me to take a very deep look at myself, at the ways I had been inauthentic in past relationships, at the ways I had been hurt and used by others in the past, at the issues between my father and me, at the issues within my family system in general, at the grief and loss I’d been hiding from with the loss of my mom and grandparents, and at a whole plethora of other issues that were hidden deep within my psyche. The relationship itself was so painful and traumatic that it forced me to do deep spiritual healing work to resolve the karma (possibly from past lives, if you believe in that sort of thing) that existed between this person and me.

I remember looking up articles about twin flames almost obsessively during the time we were connected, wondering if this person was my twin and if the connection was meant to last. I felt this deep connection to him that I had never felt with anyone else before, and I’ve been in a lot of relationships. When we met, I got a message in my head telling me that he was “the one,” whatever that meant.

A lot of the articles I read during this time talked about how the connection was one in which there is a runner and a chaser, and how often the male is the runner and the female is the chaser. These connections can last years for some people, and they often involve the resolution of karma between the two parties— a connection between an “empath” and a “narcissist.” The empath will keep giving away their love and energy to the narcissist due to a fear of abandonment and a desire to make the other person love them, and the narcissist will take without giving much back. They will give just enough of their attention to keep the empath thinking they want more when all they want to do is steal the empath’s energy. In some situations, they do not even communicate with the empath at all, but the initial connection was strong enough to keep the empath thinking something more will come of it.

The problem with these sorts of relationships is that they are totally emotionally based and do not involve any logic. In my own situation, I had been a highly logical person in relationships before meeting the person I thought was my twin flame. I chose partners who treated me well, but the connections never lasted. With the twin flame relationship, the connection was the opposite— it was totally emotional with no rationality. He did not give me any reason to love him, and yet I did unconditionally, no matter what he did to me. That is not real love, that is just an unhealthy attachment. I thought the relationship was teaching me patience and unconditional love, but what it ended up doing was causing me a lot of harm.

There were some positives that came out of the connection, and I do believe it happened for a reason. It was a highly karmic connection that served in my growth and evolution. Throughout the course of the relationship, I grew up. I learned to stop being codependent and depending upon men for my happiness as I had before meeting him. I learned to tap more into my femininity and vulnerability as a woman. I learned to know and to trust God and the universe.

Overall, the relationship helped me resolve a lot of issues I’d been dealing with for my entire life, as these types of relationships do, but they are not meant to last. Once I worked through the karma, my interest in him eventually waned into nothingness, and I have had fulfilling and satisfying relationships with others since then. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Emily Heron