Chelsea Fagan

Getting rejected by someone WHOM YOU COULD TOTALLY DO BETTER THAN. Like, you were doing his manga-reading, hair-gelling ass a favor in the first place.

The five seconds before “ugh, my period” where you’re like “yisssssss, my period!!!”

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that misery loves company, and that the choice to be critical or unsatisfied is immediately rewarded by likes, shares, and a general sense of “you’re one of us.”

Putting more fruits and vegetables on your plate, and eating those first before treating yourself to the less-healthy things. Making the choice to eat better is often very simple, and only involves being more smart about what you put in front of you.

Your validation — or, rather, its absence — used to mean so much to me. I used to rise and fall at the beeping sound from a new text message.

1. Crab-based foods — from soup, to cakes, to dip, to burgers — that have the big-ass chunks of real jumbo meat.

Becoming incredibly jealous of anyone who is going there on vacation, because you wish so badly that you could be going (and part of you selfishly believes that they’ll never appreciate it enough, or in the right way).

Trying to construct a functional relationship out of someone who is clearly just looking for a little casual sex.

The alleged victim was taken to a hospital for treatment of injuries, police spokesman Anthony Clay told CNN.

And sometimes, life happens, but there is no reason to abandon every effort to be a little respectful when it comes to your bodily functions.

How do people manage this outside of an American Apparel photoshoot?? How???

Feeling the ever-growing chasm between the friends who have “careers” and the friends who have “jobs,” and wondering what side of it is even better to be on.

Getting woken up in the middle of the night to wipe shit out of another human’s ass crack might not be your definition of rock-bottom, but it’s mine.

I feel like the earth is still getting back on its normal orbit a year after this song made every woman’s ass shake collectively for the first time.

“I can eat as much as I want and I don’t gain weight!”

There is nothing more simple, and yet we are often far too modest when it comes to what we’re capable of or what we have accomplished. Even when we’ve done things that we have every right to be proud of, we’re inclined to couch things in disclaimers or to dismiss it entirely.

Finally getting attention from someone you perceive to be much more attractive, popular, or worthy than you. Feeling like you are honored just by getting a bit of their time, and not really caring how reciprocated the emotions are.

Getting the very last adorable sale item, which is both perfectly your size and completely unscathed by gross makeup stains from a billion girls trying it on before you.