Bianca Sparacino

Trust me when I say that one day it’s going to hit you — that you woke up happy, that you’re smiling for no reason, that your hands aren’t shaking anymore.

It’s time to understand that you had absolutely no say in how long someone stayed in your life, that you couldn’t have loved them any more, that you couldn’t have bent them into someone who understood the core of you.

Remember, you are not a vessel of sadness; you are not a lost cause. Do not run away this time. Do not flee. You are standing in front of a boy who sees every phantom within you, and he has chosen to stay, to fight.

You see their smile, painted across their face, beaming with light and hope and beauty, and your heart bursts because you wish you were the one who could have inspired it.

Love is this incredible thing, this intangible feeling that swells within you, it gifts you these crystallizing moments of appreciation and gratitude, these overwhelming oceans that build within your chest, constantly reminding you that you have something to lose.

Before you tell yourself that your heart could not possibly carry another name within its core, that it would hang too heavily in your chest, remind yourself how muscle is made – how it needs weight to strengthen, how it needs pressure to restore.

When I first met you, I never thought that we were going to end up here — with so many memories, with so many inside jokes and stolen moments.

It took us years to understand that love was not meant to justify hurt; that love alone was never meant to be used as a means of vindicating the problems we didn’t fight to change.

At the end of the day, change is something you should never be ashamed of. You don’t owe anyone an apology for changing. You don’t owe anyone an apology for being different than you were a year ago, for wanting new things.

If you were in a room with all of the people you once loved, and you were told to choose, whose arms would you end up in?

It’s time to take your love back from those who hurt you; from those who never understood how to protect someone who cared as deeply as you did. It’s time to take those pieces, the shards of heart and hope, from the hands of those who do not deserve to hold them any longer.

It’s not that introverts don’t want to fall in love; it’s not that introverts don’t want to spend time in the company of someone we admire. It’s just that we enjoy the company of the world more. Our solitude is stunning.

I know that it will seem like they have changed, like they have laid to rest everything your heart opposed. After all, they were your best friend. They loved life into you, art into you. They knotted memories to your collarbones, kissed light into your sadness. They were everything to you. They were your future, your safety.

Make him laugh, it is the most beautiful sight. Grab his hands in the street and dance with him. Make him breakfast in bed. Kiss him in front of all of your friends. Wear your love happily, let it shine through your eyes, let everyone know that he is one who enlivened you. Be proud of him, be thankful for what he inspired within you.

Sometimes, the girl who smiles the biggest holds the biggest hurt. Sometimes the girl who encourages everyone around her needs to be told that she is appreciated, that she matters; sometimes she needs to be encouraged herself.

I refuse to fall in love with the idea of who you can be if I were to nip and tuck and patch and sew you into someone else. If I were to throw a blanket over the baggage in your ribcage, only focusing on the prettiest parts of you. I refuse to love you in halves.

Suddenly, love was mornings spent laughing until I cried. It was having someone make time for me. Love was airport gates, until it turned into “I am moving across the country to be with you.”

We don’t need space because we want to break up, or because we don’t want to spend time with you. We need space because that is how we nourish ourselves, that is how we feed our souls.