If They Come Back, Do Not Let Them Break Your Heart Twice

Bianca Des Jardins

When they come back, everything you had ever felt for them will come rushing into your bloodstream again. When they come back, you will breathe in their name like an old memory, it will rest softly on your lips like it had never left. When they come back, the laughter will be the same. The touch. The hope.

When they come back, at first you won’t remember why things had to end the way they did. You won’t remember the aggression, the way they used their words to numb you. When they come back, you won’t remember how distant your limbs felt when you were sleeping in their arms, how your chest felt crushed beneath the weight of their empty love.

However, when they come back, please — do not turn a blind eye to the past, to the scars. I know it will be hard. I know their voice will fill the air around you, that it will sound like the most beautiful song. I know that it will seem like they have changed, like they have laid to rest everything your heart opposed. After all, they were your best friend. They loved life into you, art into you. They knotted memories to your collarbones, kissed light into your sadness. They were everything to you. They were your future, your safety.

But do not forget that they were also your hurt.

When they come back, please, do not forget that they left in the first place. That they gave up. Do not forget the months you spent simply trying to get to the point of hoping again, to the point of growing your very heart from the mess they created within your ribcage. Promise me that you will remember the frost, the wilted will within you, the dark winter that made your teeth chatter and tremble with missing them. Please remember every slaughtered night, every ache, every chill, because you are worthy of so much more than that.

You are worthy of someone who knows the rarity of your love, who stands in front of you and declares with a ruthless passion that they choose you and will continue to choose you. You are worthy of a love that is sure of you, that believes in you and what it can create with you. You are worthy of a love that shows up, that fights for you, that protects the soft creature that you are. You are worthy — don’t you ever forget that. TC mark

Read more writing like this in Bianca Sparacino’s book Seeds Planted In Concrete here.

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Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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