Thought Catalog

You Have To Love An Introvert Differently

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Danielle Drislane
Danielle Drislane

You have to love us patiently. As an introvert, we like to take things slow. You have to accept that it is simply how we are wired — we reflect on every experience we have, we think things through, we take time to process how we are feeling. You cannot take offense to this. When you love an introvert you have to build a foundation with them, you have to give them the time to invite you in.

You have to open up to us in order to keep us interested. Introverts admire deep conversations. It is often difficult to date, because we don’t find validation in the fleeting attention that modern relationships provide. We don’t want to spend time talking about the weather, or hearing about your weekend plans. We want to know what inspires you, what sets your soul on fire. We want to talk to you about ideas, and goals; we want to immerse ourselves in your dreams and in your wild imagination.

You have to love us quietly. Introverts do not like loud relationships. We do not need our photo posted on Instagram all the time, and large displays of public affection can cause us to feel anxious. When you love an introvert, love them softly. Pull them away from the crowd and kiss them. Wrap a blanket around them when they fall asleep on the couch. Have a coffee waiting for them in the morning. Love them intimately, in a space that exists for just you two, and they will always feel nurtured.

You have to respect our reflection. Introverts have a raucous imagination. We have a very chaotic world inside of our head. We think, and overthink; we dream in hues and music, we create stories in our minds. Sometimes we get carried away in those stories, in those reveries. Don’t take this personally — we are not ignoring you. When we are quiet, we are stargazing in our own brains, we are in a completely different place. We are not sad, or depressed, or antisocial. We are exploring our thoughts.

You have to let us recharge. Introverts energize themselves differently than others. We stay in our rooms, reading books and getting lost in songs. We roam the city freely, sipping coffee slowly and taking the time to simply be with ourselves. We don’t need space because we want to break up, or because we don’t want to spend time with you. We need space because that is how we nourish ourselves, that is how we feed our souls.

You have to come to terms with how we love. Introverts have very small social circles, and it takes a lot for us to let people in. We may not always talk about our feelings, because words are too simple to express our deep emotions, but if we have made you a part of our life, know that we care for you. Know that you are special, for that is how we show our adoration; that is our highest form of intimacy and our most beloved gift. TC mark

For more writing like this, read Seeds Planted in Concrete by Bianca Sparacino.

Seeds Planted In Concrete

This poetry collection by Bianca Sparacino is an assembly of words that celebrates the resilience of the human heart through stages of hurting, feeling, healing and loving.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”

★★★★★ “One of the best, if not the best, modern poetry collections you can read. Absolutely incredible. Her words are so wise, intricate and delicate that you feel them caressing your soul. I love this book, I love it so very much.” —Hayder

Buy This Beautiful Book
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Read more books in 2018…

Cut yourself some slack. One of the biggest regrets most people have about their 20s is that they didn’t enjoy them more. And I’m not talking about “buy more expensive dinners, take another trip to Thailand” type of enjoyment. I mean having the ability to take a deep breath and sip coffee in the morning knowing that you have done, and are doing, your best.

“These essays are slowly changing my life, as the title promises. As my friends’ birthday come along, they will all be receiving a copy of this wonderful book.” – Janie

Amazon: 4.8/5 stars
Goodreads: 4.29/5 stars

Click for an inspiring read!

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  • Shreya Sharma

    Very nice post. Being an introvert, I can totally relate to all the points.

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    On point

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