I’m not a go home with someone you just met while drunk at a bar type of girl. I’m not a hook up and leave at 4AM kind of girl. I’m not a text and show up for sex kind of girl. And I’m definitely not a one-night stand type of girl.
I’ve never planned my outfit to look ‘hot enough’ to bring someone home. I’ve never done my makeup in hopes someone finds my eyes intriguing and daring. I’ve never planned on going out and finding someone to come home with.
I’ve never been able to free myself from my mind and my fears to find someone at a hole in the wall kind of bar or nightclub and felt comfortable enough to take them home, and I don’t think I ever will be.
I’ll never be able to let down my hair and fall on a strangers bed. I’ll never be able to sleep with someone whose first name I might not remember. I’ll never be able to get naked for someone I don’t have any connection with.
It’s just not me and it never will be, and that’s okay.
I know myself well enough to know that a one-night stand would leave me empty and full of regret. It would leave me feeling ashamed of myself and that isn’t worth it to me.
There is nothing wrong with one-night stands; there is nothing wrong with getting dressed up and going out with the intention of not coming home alone. There is nothing wrong with not knowing his first name, because maybe it’s easier that way, but I’ve never been one for awkward goodbyes and meaningless sex because I’m the girl who needs something more.
I’m the girl that wants love. I want to fall into the same bed a million times and feel completely comfortable and at home with whoever I decide to settle down with.
I want to go out with him and come home with him. I want to come home and make weird concoctions of drunk food from what we can find in our fridge.
I want to laugh and make a mess; I want to forget about it until the morning because I want to rush off to bed with him. I want to love each other like it’s the first time we’ve ever been in love; carefree and full of love to give each other. I want to go home with someone who I know cares about me and wants to love me for who I am, not how I looked in a dark, hazy bar.
I want to wake up next to him, in his arms, I want to kiss him good morning and know that I will get to do that for the rest our of lives together.
I want to find comfort in him and a happiness I wouldn’t find in the arms of a stranger. I want him to feel like home.
I want to run to the kitchen and make breakfast for two because I don’t just want someone to be there in the morning, I want more than that. I want someone who makes breakfast with me, every single morning. I want to laugh at the mess we made the night before and the only thing I want to regret is how much junk food we ate.
I have never been and never will be a one-night stand kind of girl because I want more than that. I’ve always wanted more than that.
I’m an all or nothing kind of person.
If I want something I dive in fully, I don’t just dip my toes in. I want more than meaningless sex because I know more is out there and in the mean time I’d rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t know what makes me laugh and what cheers me up when I’m down.
I’m not a one-night stand type of girl, I’m not into Netflix and chill, I’m not the one you can call up late at night when you’re lonely because I’ve always wanted more. I’ve always wanted to mean something more and I’m proud of that.