It always starts in the same cliché way — you don’t see it coming.
Because you weren’t looking for it. Really! You weren’t! You made bold statements that you were done. You were so content with being President of the HASHTAG FOREVER ALONE club with permanent solo Netflix and chill sessions. Melodramatic? You bet. But you were okay with it. You decided things could be far worse.
That’s what happens when we have our hearts broken so tragically. We never want that kind of devastation again, even if the love that came before it was so good. No, that doesn’t matter. Not right now.
When you feel like your chest was ripped straight down the middle, you can’t possibly fathom letting someone near it again. You are ready to invest in iron walls. You will never lower them.
This, you promise yourself.
But the universe has a funny way of making us look like fools. We end up eating our words. Remember? Remember how sure you were? Now you are looking at someone wonderful and trying to not admit just how wonderful you find them. You can’t. Because you made yourself a promise.
You will not fall again. You will not open yourself up to the potential of hurt and pain and unfulfilled forevers.
You won’t say the words; you won’t tell anyone how much you want to just jump back in. You can’t verbalize the way it hurts when you say goodbye. Even when it’s just for the night. You don’t want to say you’re falling again. You aren’t fresh to this feeling. You remember what happens when you fall. You bruise. You scar.
But you can try to resist as much as you want, they will continue being wonderful. You almost want to tell them to stop. Cut it out! You shouldn’t be this great and amazing and cute. It’s not right! You weren’t looking to feel butterflies again. But you can’t deny the swarm. You sit on the verge of an avalanche and everyone can predict what will happen next. Who will be the first to admit it? Do you have the strength to weather another storm?
Sometimes, we don’t always get a choice in the matter. Sometimes, life comes at us so fast and unexpectedly, we just have to figure shit out along the way. You wanted control, but that’s not how things unfold. You wanted a life of ease, but that’s not what happens when two people get involved. Hearts have a way of finding each other. You can’t fight something as powerful as love. But you can try.
You can try.
Eventually, you will decide to lower the shields. Perhaps this time, it won’t hurt so much. And hey, even if it does, you will walk into the unknown. You can’t pretend you’re resistant. I hate to break it to you, but babe? You are not stone cold. You are burning and full of passion. Let it happen.
See where you can go. I promise, you can survive it. No matter the outcome.