I will not be disclosing my name or where I wrote it, for obvious reasons… so please don’t ask. The affair started much like the blog did– in a state of anger and resentment against my boyfriend. There’s a lot of back-story that goes into why I started the affair, because it wasn’t simply that I met someone and had feelings for… well, let me be honest… her. Yes, I had a lesbian affair and it started as a way to really get under my boyfriend’s skin. I originally intended to tell him about it. Because I knew that it would piss him off more than sleeping with a guy would. I’m bisexual, and he is incredibly offended by the idea that another woman could please me more than he could (he’s an asshole, this has been established).
But something funny happened. I fell in love with the girl, and all of a sudden, what started as this fluke of an immature way to get back at someone turned into an affair that meant a lot to me. So I started writing about it. I started writing about it because yes, I wanted the inner satisfaction of knowing he’d be humiliated when he realized the whole world knew about it before he did. But also because I very much fell in love with this girl. And I thought that was worth sharing.
So you’re probably thinking why didn’t I just leave him, why did I have to be so manipulative and evil? Well, it’s not that simple. It’s never that simple, and I realize, in retrospect, just how fucked up what I’ve been doing is, but I can’t take it back, and now I’m stuck between a man I’m afraid to confess to and a woman whose love I don’t want to lose.
Why continue to write about it on another website? Because I just wanted to say that even if you’re really frustrated and feel like doing anything possible to get back at someone, do not let the consequences of what you’re choosing to do slip by you. Don’t forget how many lives you can screw up for your own stupid self-interest. So I’m going to come clean to him. I’m going to be honest. I’m not going to pad it with excuses. It’s going to be rough. It’s going to end us, and it might end my relationship with the girl as well, but that’s okay, because honestly, neither of them deserve me after what I’ve done.