Alexandria Brown

As weird as it’s going to sound, you’ve started down a path to heal, really heal, what has been plaguing you secretly for all this time. By admitting that you’re not in the right head space is the first step in starting to get yourself the help you need.

When do you miss me the most? Do you miss me most when you’re alone late at night? When you’re lying in your bed, looking at the empty space beside you?

We never really argued. We never really yelled. Maybe because you were my best friend and that made things just feel right.

I don’t want to continue to believe that my anxiety and depression are too much of a weight to put on someone else so what’s the point in even falling love.

You listen to my crazy. You indulge in my weird comments. You make me laugh until I cry. And there’s no one like you.

Maybe I don’t stay up till 6 am with those people, talking about our lives and wondering who we’re going to be. Maybe I don’t call them all crying when something’s going wrong. Maybe I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like.

I know how hard I battle daily to continue with a routine that just feels so lacklustre without you. One that has taken me years to work on. One that has just made me run away time and time again to feel a version of alive.

Really it’s because I am a coward. I’m too much of a coward to tell someone I love them. I’m too much of a coward leave a situation I hate. I’m too much of a coward to start over one more time.

I’m going to love everything about you that she made you feel like was unlovable.

Love. That’s what this is. It’s love.

Do that thing with your tongue that makes me forget that you’re a bad guy. Like a really, really bad guy. But in that moment when we’re just two naked people fulfilling our physical needs instead of emotional.

This isn’t your typical love letter.

If we could have gotten over the wounded egos and the bruised pride in order to face the issue head on that we were scared. Because it happened so fast that it made it seem like this was going to fizzle just as quickly.

You’re confused as to why you can’t breathe. You’re not even sure what’s happening. And then you panic. You panic because everything that was right currently isn’t.

Let me tell you something, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done to keep my mouth shut about this.

He was my best friend. My confidante. My everything.

You will love them so fully that your definition of love right now isn’t even close to what it feels like.

It’s forgetting what hunger actually feels like because you’re too far gone to remember. Your brain has stopped telling your body that you’re hungry.