It’s funny how someone can be around for a while and you can not notice how much they mean to you. That they’re just kind of there but that doesn’t mean their impact is light. It just means that you didn’t realize exactly what you have. And then it’s like someone turned on the lights. You see that person in a completely different way.
That’s you for me.
Because while I knew how amazing you were, it was only recently I realized how important you are to me. I don’t know why it took me so long to say those words out loud or admit them to my friends but deep down I always knew that there was something else there when I talked about you. And you can see it in the dumb smile that spreads across my face the second I mention your name.
We’re so busy thinking we’re going to miss out on the next big thing that we almost miss the most important thing. True, authentic, beautiful people. The ones that make us stand up and pay attention to ourselves.
I get caught up in my own head. I think of all the reasons why we wouldn’t work, why I wouldn’t be enough for you, why the hard times would really be too hard for us to get through together because we’re both so damn afraid of love.
Because we are aren’t we? Which in turn makes me think we’re both not really ready right now.
But if you let me, I’d make you see how amazing you are.
I wouldn’t rush our future and talk about houses, kids and marriage. I’d live here, right now, in this moment with you. We can take it day by day and from there see where this goes. Because I don’t need a guarantee of a ring, I just want to lay on my back and hold your hand while staring up at the night sky.
And yeah there’s better looking guys out there. There are better looking girls. But who gives a shit about looks anymore? Do we really want to form our forever relationships on something so fleeting? We all get older. Our bodies change. We can’t rely on being ‘pretty’ or ‘hot’ and we start to realize exactly what all those don’t judge a book by its cover lessons are really all about. Because while you want to be attracted to someone in the long run, you can’t base it all on the surface of a person. Because that’s where we get hung up.
I can tell you this my dear, you are beautiful inside and out.
You listen to my crazy. You indulge in my weird comments. You make me laugh until I cry. And there’s no one like you.
There’s no one else that could make me realize that maybe I’m not this unlovable creature I had always thought I would be. Maybe you make me think about things that I really thought had passed me by long ago.
There’s something holding me back from telling you that really I just want to feel your hand in mine. There’s something telling me that right now it’s not worth risking this great thing we have going because I don’t know if I’d ever want to know what it feels like to not have you around. You are the first person I want to tell when things happen. And I think you have been for a while. But like I said this self-realization is new.
And you, well, you’re scary.
Not scary like monsters under the bed, scary because you’re so inspiring. And you don’t see it. You don’t see that there are so many things in this world you could be. While I ultimately know you’re special, you in turn have to believe that. And that’s my problem too.
So right now, we’re trying to find ourselves. Trying to figure out what we need to do in order to fix what’s broken in our hearts. We’re trying to navigate through life and love while remaining as unscathed as possible.
We could wait. We could wait until we feel as though we’ve gotten everything right. That we’re finally hitting perfect.
But you’re not perfect. Neither am I. So let’s just be imperfect together.