When you break up with someone it’s one of those things that we eventually think we’re going to get over. We think that we’ll be sad and then we’ll move on. We’ll move on because life does continue whether you’re with your ex or not. And right now you’re not.
And that sucks because breakups, well, suck.
There are days we wake up after a breakup and think ‘I got this.’ Then the sun sets and we’re alone in the bed that we used to share with someone else. Even if we never cohabitated with this person (and if you did, man you’ve got a lot to adjust too), they still filled the other side of your queen sized mattress every Tuesday, Thursday and alternating weekends (not that there was ever a night you weren’t together). You had a system down that fit around your work schedule, both of your friend groups and your outside activities. Even though let’s be honest, trying different burgers with your friends can barely qualify as a hobby (but it really should).
Breakups are kind of like when you get the wind knocked out of you. One minute you’re walking down the street, breathing normally, then BAM. You’re struggling to catch your breath. You’re confused as to why you can’t breathe. You’re not even sure what’s happening. And then you panic. You panic because everything that was right currently isn’t.
So you have options.
You can ignore that you were ever even in love. You can pretend that this person never existed (my personal favorite) and act like you’re OK. That you’ve got this. That you are handling this breakup like a champ. And then maybe you can make one huge life decision, pretend it’s for the chance to see the world or advance in your career or whatever the fuck you’re telling yourself. When actually it’s because it hurts to be in your apartment alone. It literally kills you to walk down the streets you used to with your ex love and really you need a fucking break from everything. You need to go at least a week without running into another person you know who’s going to ask you what happened. You just have to disappear for a while.
Another option would be to continuously wind up on the wrong side of your ex’s bed for months and months. Just pretend that everything is pretty normal when really nothing is the same anymore. You guys are still fucking because you’re too scared to let go of this and the feelings you know all too well because it’s comforting. You don’t want to go out and find another person who doesn’t know what you like. And you can tell yourself that it’s just sex but come on we both know what you’re doing. You’re telling yourself that someone else isn’t going to feel like home but truthfully, right now your ex is more like a hotel room that you get to rent out for one night at a time. And some day real soon, they’re vacancy sign will illuminate the no that sits currently unlit beside it.
Or you can feel it.
Really feel it. Let yourself be the biggest sad sack and mope so hard that you stop showering. Cry so freaking hard that you’re wiped every single night. Let yourself mourn the loss of not only the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with but also the person who became your best friend. Eat a shit ton of ice cream until you think your stomach is going to explode but in some weird way it feels soothing. Talk about it until your blue in the face with the people in your life who will always listen to you no matter what.
Breakups are hard. And there is no set timeframe on when you get over something because feelings have never and will never be logical. We can figure out the mathematical equation that tells us when we should be able to get over someone but until our heart and soul feel we’re ready to get over it, then that’s when we’ll be over it.
So whether your breakup was last week or five years ago, it doesn’t matter. There’s no right or wrong answer on when you’re going to make it through the day without thinking about it. Or feel like you’re going to cry every time you hear their name.
And give yourself a break if you are still sad. No one can fault you for feeling the loss of a person you once loved more than anything. Your heart is the only thing that can decide when your truly ready to move on.