10 First Date Deal Breakers
I have been on so many dates where within five minutes of meeting the dude I know that this. is. not. going. to. work. But I’m nice, so I see the thing through anyway. It’s always those little, superficial things that are total turn-offs, like the time I never called this guy back because I hated the sound of his voice. I know, I’m awful.
But these are the snap decisions we all make on first dates, decisions that would ordinarily classify us as overly judgmental. But guess what! That’s what a first date is! You’re judging and assessing some select dudes/girls from a pile of many and choosing the one(s) you like best.
Here are 10 first date deal breakers. What are some of yours?
That first date with a new special someone should really take your breath away, but not because you’re gasping for air! You can try to be nice and pretend like you don’t smell it, but then you start to wonder if this guy will always smell like he just ate a box of onion bagels, which is a deal-breaker because you are allergic to onions.
It Is Not A Job Interview
First dates are all about getting to know one another. You want to ask questions that will tell you more about the person and discover what you guys have in common. But you don’t want to make them feel like they’re being interviewed for a position at the CIA. A friend of mine who works at an investment bank told me she went on a date with a guy from her firm who brought a resume to the date. Um, deal breaker.
Not Looking Anything Like Your Profile Pic
Like… your photo is from 1998 when you had the six pack. “I gained a little weight.” “Oh?” It’s okay if maybe you got a haircut or are working the ombre look now and you don’t have any new pics yet. But when the person in the photo and the person who shows up are basically two different people, is it rude to just up and leave? Everything has a camera on it, people, so there’s no reason not to have an updated pic unless you’re hiding something!
Texting In The Middle
Do you really need to send a text message during the middle of the date? Those sports scores and Facebook status updates and the friend who texted you will all be right there waiting for you at the end of the date. I promise. Your date, however, may not be.
Opening Up Grindr
And speaking of not texting in the middle of a date — I know we met on Grindr and all, but can you at least wait until the date is over before you open it back up? Sheesh.
If You Google Me, I Don’t Need To Know About It
You should go into the date assuming that you both already Googled each other, assuming you gave him your real name in the first place. But you can’t let the other person know you Googled them because that’s just creepy. You can’t say things you should have no business knowing.
Saying You’re “Versatile” When You’re Really A “Power Bottom”
For gays guys, the wrong sexual combination can be a total deal breaker. Provided that, of course, you haven’t already had the “what are you into” conversation beforehand. There’s this thing my best friend and I call the “Who’s the top tango.” It’s where on a first date you make it back to his apartment and you’re both wrestling to find out who is going to be the top. Sometimes finding out is part of the fun!
Talking About The Ex
Yes, I would absolutely love to hear more about what an awful person your ex was.
Sometimes the way a guy dances turns me on, and not even in a directly sexual way, as in, “Oh, look at how he probably works it in the bedroom.” More like you can tell he has rhythm, and I like a guy with rhythm. It tells you that he’s connected, has some spirit. But there’s a fine line between cute dancing and having a seizure on the dance floor. Please don’t do “The Carlton.”
Talking About Your Medical Conditions
Everybody has issues. Medical issues, psychological issues, anxiety, money issues, Fibromyalgia, depression, foot fungus, whatever. That’s why we like to snoop in people’s medicine cabinets! The first date is not the time to talk about your irritable bowel syndrome, because the thought that you might have explosive diarrhea at any second is not really a turn on.
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“How cheap everything is.”
“Be careful, you’re going to gain weight when you’re older.”
Make me listen by telling me how naïve I have been. Tell me straight up that I need to change because you bet all your straight flushes that I will.
Do not assign moral value to food items, on your own plate or anyone else’s. A mozzarella stick is a mozzarella stick, and nothing more.