October 16, 2016

I Can’t Get You Off My Mind, But You Can’t Even Text Me Back

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What is the issue?

I sat here for nearly 20 minutes staring at my phone screen deciding if I should hit send or not on a message, a stupid message that said, “hey” because I was scared that would be too much.

But I hit send and you responded. You responded a total of three times and that was all.

Now I remember why I felt the hesitation I did to hit send in the first place.

I can’t stop thinking about you and I don’t even interest you enough to respond to my texts, but don’t worry. I heard your message loud and clear.

It’s time to stop hanging on to someone who has no intentions of staying, who has no interest in being in my life or even being there for me in the slightest way.

So, I’m done. You win.

I’m done telling myself you must care about me when you clearly don’t. I’m no longer trying to convince myself that maybe the spark is still there, that maybe it just needs to be rekindled a little.

I’m over allowing my heart to be mistreated by people who don’t even want it when I’m trying so hard to stick it in the palms of their hands.

I’m not saying this is your fault, no. It’s mine. It’s all my fault for stupidly trying to create something out of nothing. I wanted there to be chemistry, I wanted there to be a connection between us and I wanted to believe that you’re the one for me, but it’s obvious you’re not. I wanted it so bad I kept trying to create something out of nothing.

You don’t want to be there and I keep trying so hard to be a presence in your life, to make you remember me, to pop up on your phone screen and make you think of me. But stupidly enough, I’ve yet to realize enough is enough and it’s time to bite the bullet and give up, until now.

Now I realize we’ve had our fun and that’s all it was to you. You never wanted more, but I wanted to believe you did because I did. You never wanted to stick around and cook breakfast with me. You never intended on asking me to go to the movies with you. You didn’t want to go for a walk in the middle of the day hand in hand. You wanted none of that, but I tried so desperately to create that imagine in my head because it’s what I wanted with you, even when you had no interest in that life with me.

It took you not texting me back after only a few responses to realize this is over, it’s so long gone and I’m desperately clinging to something that is no longer there. You’ve moved on and I thought maybe I could convince you that I’m still here and I still want this, but none of it matters because you don’t want me.

As much as I want you, I’m letting you go because no matter how much I might want you I also want you to want it too, and you don’t.

Here’s to no more text messages, no more random Snapchats, no more anything. I heard your message loud and clear, and it’s time for me to move on, too.

You’ll always live in my heart, but no longer in my head. TC mark

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