14. I remember her flipping me over and pulling my pants down.
“I was 14 and drunk at a party hosted by my best friend D’s older brother who had returned from camp. Me and a friend had been drinking box wine all night when I decided to head to bed. I was so fucked-up I was having a hard time moving. I’m pretty sure D helped me into his room. I’d had a disagreement with a chick earlier that evening about music and I guess she was ‘excited’ over our argument. She came in shortly after me. I remember her flipping me over and pulling my pants down. I also remember her on top of me and feeling used, worthless, and weak for not enjoying it more.
I explained to D’s older brother Nate what had happened the night before and how fucked-up it was and how I felt. It had never been a thought that I had been raped. I was more freaked-out that I didn’t enjoy it. Nate was pissed. He explained to me I was raped. We talked for a few hours about it. Nate comforted me that best he could and it didn’t bother me until I had sex again two years later. I’ll spare you the details but when I started to become more sexually active I kept having flashbacks. It wasn’t going to work. I thought that because the first time I had sex I was raped I was never going to have a normal sex life I became depressed and drank heavy for the next few years.
Things changed when I met my wife. I was finally able to talk to talk about it in a way that wasn’t rooted in anger or sadness. For some reason that helped. My wife is an amazing partner and I’m glad to report that we have a healthy sex life.”
15. I feel annoyed and used.
“I crashed at her mom’s house after a small party there, nothing crazy. I stripped to my boxers in my sleep, as I have done it sober before. I remember feeling a tingling, almost like peeing when you have one of those dreams of yourself peeing, and you wake up because the sensation wakes you up? Not sure how else to describe it. I woke up just in time to cut myself off from climaxing. I pushed her up and I scooted back, and my cock slipped from her and made a really loud smack against my stomach.
She moaned that she was so close and just wanted to get off, and that I shouldn’t be so upset about it. I said, ‘You didn’t wake me up?’ She said she thought it was hot to just take me inside. She even said, ‘Besides, your dick was already hard when I came in. I know you wanted it.’ I said, ‘I almost came in you. You could have gotten pregnant.’ She just shrugged and said, ‘I didn’t think you’d come before I did.’
I got up and started gathering my stuff and was pretty pissed. I was tired, now on edge, and slightly hungover.
I’m not untrusting of women, I don’t feel like a victim. I feel annoyed and used.”