1. DON’T get a fake tan.
“Fake tan. I’d rather see a girl whiter than the milky bar kid than wearing fake tan. It just looks so obvious and it’s usually horribly done. Changing your skin tone to match a bag of Cheetos is the furthest thing from attractive.”
2. DON’T try to look like a Kardashian.
“Trying to look like a Kardashian.”
3. DON’T wear dark lip liner, because it makes your lips look like an anus.
“Dark lip liner. It makes your puckered lips look like an anus.”
4. DON’T wear nose rings, because you look like a cow.
“Nose rings. Moo.”
5. DON’T starve yourself to where I can see all your ribs.
“Skinny ass girls, like I can see all your ribs. I want some meat to grab. Eat a fucking sandwich.”