1. Todd: Wears loafers. Knows specifically what Ralph Lauren line looks best on him.
2. Garrett: Wears glasses, doesn’t need them.
3. Will: From the Northeast, played lacrosse in high school and thought he would be recruited, but wasn’t. Always slightly shorter than you want him to be.
4. Chad: Evil.
5. Brian: Super picky eater. His girlfriend will always end up financially supporting him.
6. Bryan: Totally different from Brian. Wears a lot of Hawaiian shirts.
7. Ryan: Never texts you back because he’s perpetually on some “comedy tour.”
8. Ross: Not conventionally attractive, but super fucking funny.
9. Chase: Joined, like, a super niche indie band and plays the bagpipes and some other instrument nobody has ever heard of. Lives in Europe now because “Europeans appreciate the arts.” Whatever, Chase.
10. Colin: Lives in Patagonia fleeces, no matter what temperature it is outside.
11. Greg: That guy who shows up uninvited to things. The target to be roasted in all group texts. Handles it like a champ.
12. Phillip: Literally always at GameStop.